Fabric From Spoonflower

How awesome is this fabric??? It is hands down the perfect curtain for my kitchen.



This would be funny for my bathroom or as a skirt...I think they are called Lola skirts, all flowing and long. I used to call them hippie skirts. Think I will start working on how to sew one this month. I like gardening barefoot and having a long skirt just makes it much better.



This would be fun for Nikki for a dress since she ate her first plate of calamari this weekend!!

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So, I took a HUGE leap. I turned in one of my designs, tweaked it and bought a test swatch. If I like it then it will on to the site. I am crossing my fingers.

One year Ago

One year ago, I felt sick.

One year ago, I weighed 230 plus lbs, size 18(stained).

One year ago, I had stomach pains after eating or picking up anything more than 5 lbs.

One year ago, I was hours from death, my kidneys were shutting down, my liver was shutting down. I acutely wanted to die to escape the pain. My gallbladder had stones and one slipped over to my pancreas to clog a duct. I had acute pancreatitus and gallbladder inflammation. I threw up green ooze, morphine helped for 15 min and I was screaming again. I had one surgery to unclog my pancreas, then another surgery to remove my gallbladder. Which caused my pancreas to flare up again.
I spent 8 days in the hospital, had four docs tell me three different things, and none connected after 3 days that I was going to freak out because my antidepressants wore off. I had an intravenous shot every three hours of Duladin (strong pain killer) for 8 days.


Outcome in a year- I have lost 37 lbs, down to a 12 (I fit into a 10 yesterday!!!!) My cycles are regular for the first time in my life. (TMI!!) I can run/jog for 5 min without throwing up and almost blacking out. It took six months to reconnect my brain on how to cook-- for whatever reason the massive painkillers scrambled up allot of stuff, it took allot of hard work and tears because I kept burning things and forgetting damn near everything.
Unfortunately, not having a gallbladder means I had to adjust my eating habits. The doctors or anyone else in my life forgot to say that any fresh fruit or vegetables will shoot thru you at the speed of light. Caffeine, sugar, salt, dairy, anything with spices had the same effect. During the summer I lost allot of nutrtion and felt very sick again. But I figured out what was wrong and adjusted my eating again and rather pissed off about it.

The art in my head finally found a way out. It filled my house and is currently in suspension due mainly to the fact we have to level the kitchen before I can finish the cabinets and east wall. The plaster cracking is driving me insane.

I am just being lazy on my cabinet in the bathroom.I am mainly stalled on that because I cannot get my copper plate (17 gauge) to make the sink, and I don't want to work on the rest of it until I have my sink.

I have drawn and redrawn lines in the sand with my husband. He used to be the dominate force in the house and the roles have switched. I am resentful that I feel like I am the only adult. But I don't work. It is an annoying contradiction that I think 90% of women would give their left arm to have this situation. It still irritates me.
I have learned that jewelry gets on my nerves because for the amount he spent on the necklace I could have gotten 1.7 carats of London blue saffires and 3 ounces of silver. Just get me the raw materials and I will be a happy, happy girl. For months!! So we have an understanding for Valentines day this year-- he takes me out to dinner this weekend so we don't have to deal with the crowds next weekend. But I get him tools and he gets me the tools for the jewelry/metalworking that I need/desire/ desperately wish to own. And he gives me two IOUs for the rose plants I want to replace the ones my {idiot} dogs destroyed.

In a year we have fought more than in the last 10, we have missed each other more than when I was stuck in MT an extra week due the cat attack in 08. And we are in the same house. We have both changed severely and rapidly and have yet to know if the changes will break us or not. Hopefully not. Even at my angriest I still feel hopeful about the future. Odd, considering I used to be the most pessimistic/ sarcastic person and now a chirpy abit sarcastic/bitchy cheerleader is pushing her way into my psyche.

But yet, I feel that we will be fine. My artwork, while self taught, will continue to improve. My daughter will grow faster than I can keep up. My stepson will demand to be treated like an adult ... until I hand him rent notice. Sorry dude, adults pay bills, you want freedom, I want my cable paid. My husband will be the same, I think surgery will have to be an option. His head aches are coming back rather hard.

Wow, I actually yawned. I think it is time.

Truce

It is better. For now.

I am still keeping the house clean but only because they are doing their part. None of the stuff is laying around, no muddy boots, no clothes, all work/school stuff is put up and the dishes are being rinsed off and neatly stacked in the sink.

I feel like I am in the twilight zone. Sadly, now that the house is clean my mind is a little less uncluttered. I am slowly setting a routine for the day. Anyone who knows me, knows i cannot keep a routine to save my life. I cannot even fold my clothes the same way twice.

He is paying closer attention and pulling himself out of his depression. Maybe this crappy horrid weekend is what we needed to snap the relationship back onto track and out of the mire it was in. Or maybe it is a stalemate.Maybe this is just relationship normalacy.
He took me driftwood hunting twice, and found some awesome pieces that were part of an anthill-- the ants actually destroyed the tree from the inside out. The bark was intact but the inside was nothing but tunnels.

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I am still angry deep down, he says he doesn't mean what he said but that does not stop the high irritation, hurt and anger. It just cycles round. Most days I ignore it. Is that repressing it or is that delusional emotional therapy? He prolly feels the same.
Enough. My daughter is more important than either of us, she needs me home so she is not stuck in an overpriced, MRSA filled daycare. I have decided that I am going to keep it clean for her and I.

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My comp was frying slowly and surely down the drain. It took 15 min to start up and 10 min to shut down. I did not have the time to try and uninstall my OS and reinstall. Mainly because I have no clue as to what I would be doing and i have way to much other stuff to go on during the day/night to try it. My mom took it over and I asked her to keep it another day or two while the weather sucked arse.
When I went out there today she showed me what she had done. Not only wiped it clean but bought windows 7 for me and had it up and installed. I was just shocked and out of my skin happy.
I am using FireFox instead of IE8. It is less cluttered. Windows 7 is much simpler and has allot less crap programs so it can give me room to buy the art programs I want instead of having to use the freeware. Art Rage is awesome. I tried the demo and just love the hell out of it. For my birthday I am going to get a Bamboo to use for painting and sketching.(hopefully)

Thanks you for your comments on my last post. For the Hugs and the DUH reality check.

This pisses me off

So I have beads and findings and art crap everywhere. I cannot stay in one room. I also like to drag it with me. I know from experience if you use it for art it will be more from art websites or stores. But this is insane.

I went to FireMountainGems to buy more clutter and rummaging around I came across an organizer. It's listed prices is 68$

At the Cabela's website the near same tote AKA " Tackle Box " is on sale for 14.88.


I went to the Plano web site and the cases are interchangeable so you can have the deep storage or the shallow storage.
Now in my Christmas wanderings I wandered down the isle at academy. I found 18 versions of this tote/ tackle box. The seventy dollar tackle box was beyond awesome, it had boxes within boxes within their own sections. It made these two look like child's play. And they sold the jewel case/ lure box and superglue and line -I might add, for a fraction of what the three "art" stores in this town sell them.

Every time I see someone buying storage containers or totes from an art store I just want to shake the crap out of them. And then find the person who is marking this stuff up and just kick them once or twice for intently ripping people off.

OK I am done for now.

P/S--- these are the photo's from the sites, thery are not my photos, they belong to whoever took them blah blah blah disclaimer.

Christmas Ornaments

I made christmas ornaments for my moms tree. It had two ornaments on it, Nikki's butterfly and an angel on the top. She is off the wall in love with my new jewelry that I have been making, so I made ornaments for her tree.
She was happy as could be with them. I wish I thought of it earlier so she could have a full set. I am probably going to forget until next year and then be " oh DUH!" around christmas eve.

Carpet!!!

I finally got new carpet!!! Well, new to me but not new to the planet. I was not under any circumstances paying $800 to carpet 250 square feet and it would be another month before it could be installed. One small living room and a tiny hallway and I did not even pick out the carpet that I wanted. Kiss my ass, I will paint the plywood floors before I cough up that money.

I randomly checked the want ads over the last three months and found two incredible deals. The first one was a solid oak futon with the mattress and a cover for $200. I priced them in April. The frame alone would have been four hundred and another three to four hundred for the mattress. Now I have a place to sleep when Nikki is needy and I actually have room to breathe.

Then I found the ad for carpet and padding for $150. The carpet needed some cleaning, according to the seller. So I went to check it out and it was in a NICE neighborhood. The carpet was the REAL cotton/mix thread and soft and plush and in incredible shape. The padding was not even dusty. Oh yeah buddy, this is coming home with me. We loaded on the truck, it hung over the cab and off the tailgate and I drove 25 mph home with my hazards on. I was not going to risk anything flying out and the carpet ran the gas mileage down that it would be pointless to hurry home.

So we got it in today, we rented a stretcher, bought the tack strips.
I think the hardest part was making sure threshold plates gripped the carpet. But we saved $600. I looked at independents that will install carpet and they all wanted $500 or more. Nope nope nope.

It was hard and hot and god awful tiring. But now I know how to install carpet, so that adds to one more thing on my " I must learn" list.

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Update on the kitchen-- Plaster of Paris sucks up paint. Where one quart would have painted three walls, one plaster of Paris textured wall will use the entire quart. I bought the paint before I saw the h*me Depot commercial with the primer mixed in with the paint.

Garden Update-- So far we have picked 23 freezer quart bags of green beans. I have another 10 bags waiting to be picked. This will practically cover our green beans intake for the year. I just need someone to teach me how to can the things and I will be so much better off. And spiced peaches.

Tomorrow I am going to learn to use the arc welder so I can make my silverware people!!

Nikki is doing really good. She has weaned herself from milk. She gets very agitated when you try and make her drink it. She knows the letter A and O on sight and can make the sounds. She tries to dress herself. Can open and get into the car by herself. Feeds the cat and puts her bowl where it belongs. Opens the fridge to get her yogurt out and then gets a spoon out of the drawer and sits down with it with her little box I made her.
When she is done eating she tells you she is done, goes to the garbage can, scraps her plate off and then puts it in the sink. She is not even two yet!!
My family is pushing me to have another child and I know I will go from being a mom to a crazy lady. So aside from her older brother and a hell of an accident, she will be the only child Donald and I have together. Which on some levels is disappointing but on a practical (money. clothes, food, SANITY) level, it is a good thing.
Having a child almost destroyed us, having another one will obliterate this relationship.

Before and After, well more like Middle

This was my kitchen before I discovered the wonderful world of glue and paper and appearently a very tolerant husband.






This is after, sort of. My Kitchen/ Art room is about 300 square feet and it is turning into more of a giant art project than anything. I am using as little money as possible. So far I am getting away with about 20$ a week. Believe it or not the paper covers up every little imperfection in the wood, no sanding, no primer was needed and no perfect paint strokes.
I had primered the cabinets because I was going to paint them, but my art shelf was so entertaining that it became extended.





These are the drawers,the cabinet itself is not finished but I am taking my time. Plus every time I do work with the painting I am doing I have a toddler *helping* me. Two of my dogs have purple and green paint on them. The floor looks like crap because we had to jerk up almost the entire thing a couple of weeks ago including the living room floor. So my floor will be last.

The cabinet under the sink has to be completely redone. I am going to try to convince him it needs to be done this weekend. Wish me lots and lots of luck.

Lots of Glue

Lots of glue. I thought would be a good name for me considering the artwork I am getting into. While I have wavered for 10 years on how exactly I want my kitchen to look like I have gone from country to modern and everything in between.

I spend allot of time in the kitchen. My kitchen is also the dining room, although we do not use it aside from formal holiday gathering; the last of which was 9 years ago. My family eats in the living room, we still have rules about table manners, which I am teaching my two year old. Yes, she is smart enough to learn the rules quite fast.

My kitchen is used for cooking, playing catch games, listening to music and my art room. It takes up a third of the house, the living room is the other third and the bedrooms and bathroom the last third.

I would kill to have an art room to myself but I am not putting myself in the hole for 15 grand for one room. And no, I will not demand my husband to build it for me. We don't have good luck with DIY projects running smoothly. So I am taking over the kitchen formally and making it my own.

Now back to the original topic. I am using scrapbook paper and Mod Podge to redo my kitchen. I have also found a way through www.craftster.org and french websites to build furniture out of cardboard that is fun and sturdy. Think of Dr.Seuss.






I started small and am going to work my way to a bed frame in about two months. I would really like to have my own shop and build custom beds for children at a reasonable rate. I would love to build beds and furniture and have a drawing once a month for children in need to redo their room.

But getting there is a whole trip by itself, the French sites show some step by step but for the most part you can take their classes and learn how to do it their way.....uh, I am not flying to France. The other sites i have found are not as good as the French. Go figure.

The cardboard is free but finding the right glue is becoming tricky. Hot glue is the best but my glue gun is small and rinky. So in two weeks a buy a big one.....*evil grin* I really cannot wait. I am gathering supplies so I can be busy this summer if I do not have to work. I might work to save because I have an incredible feeling that things are about to break at an alarming rate.

ujujjhjjjjuytrreeef <------- Nikki says hi

Well she is up and terrorizing me so off we go:)

Realization

I feel as though this time in my life is here, not for a reason, but here to force a change upon me. I have been having a series of mini break downs over the past few weeks. I feel slightly better after a crying bout but not better as to deal with new stress.

My best friend is going through court issues and I do not hear from her for more than once every two weeks. After two years another friend, living in an existence in which she could barely be herself or tap into creativity, moved away and I do hear from her once a week, it just is so sad. I miss them both, but it is part of the change I must go through.

I have to learn to become stronger to the point of completely on my own. Emotionally and mentally. My husband was hurt a year ago this month, part of his injury or side effect, is a short term memory that is near gone. I can talk about (insert topic here) we will have a full fledged discussion about (topic) BUT when I start on said (topic) he becomes irate because he has no idea why I am doing whatever I am doing. This is less than 24 hours after we spoke about (topic). This behavior is not normal for him. It would take him about a month to forget a topic.

Or he has developed a split personality- one is happy with whatever I do, the other wants to control little bits of everything I do. But then he turns around and tells me to do whatever I want. After we argued over the shade of blue for my kitchen, he demanded that I paint my walls pale blue and two days later when I showed him some paint chips, he asked me why I was asking him. It is your kitchen do what you want.

After months of yelling at him which is degenerating our healing relationship, I started crying. So now twice a week I am crying over inane topics, which I rarely did before. It is highly irritating. But I know each time I break down I should become stronger.

Or so I hope. I know he might have another year to work and after that he is going to have to become disabled or have surgery for the bulging disc in his neck. The headaches and pain are almost too much for him even on pills.

So being unable to control the pain he is going through on a daily basis or much of anything else except when the bills get paid, I have developed some OCD issues.

1) I want my yard, gardens and shed to be completely streamlined and clean. This is a LARGE task considering my gardens went for two years without any cultivation. Don't get me started on the shed.

2) I seem to have flipped from darker colors to brights, borderline annoying. But something in my brain just keeps going back to bright blues, bright purple, and lime greens. I think it is my body's way of fighting depression.(these are the kitchen colors)

3)Even if it is not my stuff I want to organize it. That is scary because I do not recall being like this before or if I was, not to this level.

The artist that dwelled inside but only exposed itself in doodles has blasted it's way to the fore and is just "artisting" everything I am working on. My grandfather has an arc welder and I am collecting silverware to tack weld into people, cities, fences--etc. And I am collecting broken tools to make Tool People for my gardens.

I have not written in two months, I think I am taking a break. I will probably send some stuff off for short stories but Ava has to be completely rewritten from the ground up. Which is annoying. I know why I am having a hard time writing, just like with playing pool; I cannot write unless I am smoking and since I quit I am stuck in limbo until I learn to write without cigarettes.

I still have stories swirling in the muck. But getting 3 hours to write without a two year old bugging is impossible when your housemate/ other half is doped up. It is bugging me that I have not worked on Ava since last January, she was an incredible story for me to put together and only being half done is annoying.

I hate having ADD. Even on meds I still screw up and don't finish. Even on meds I still cannot get the whole story out of my head.

Mix the OCD with ADD and certain projects take over, I must finish them before I can start something else. This last week I have fought not painting my kitchen and lost. It was all I could think about until I got up, painted the damn wall and then,only then was I able to sit and finish a water color.

I think this is part of me breaking down. I have to break down certain barriers in order to become the person I wish I could be. I am envious of women who can match their clothes and accessorize. I have no idea how to fix my hair or how to wear certain jewelry, do not get me started on shoes. I am clueless. So I have enlisted an old friend of mine to help me this fall. She is going to help me shop.

So in a sense to me I am growing up, finally at 29 years old I have figured out who I am and what I want to do with my life. Now all I have to do is change a few things and go.