Later at night, I find my daughter is asleep, i have time on my hands, my husband is either drug induced sleep or  hurting so much that my touch is unbearable to him. So I putter around on the internet, grasping at things that interest me at one point in time but I do not have the drive to accomplish them.
The toll takes a long and harder hit on me at night. Sleep is an odd thing. One night I will sleep so soundlessly and other nights I am plauged by nightmares or dreams that are so intense and real that they wake me up and feel like memories that happened right then.
They bug me the most because they cause the what if's to rear it's ugly head up. The nightmares I am used to, I have had them since I was small and only do I have a dreamless sleep when I am on medication. which means I do no artwork either.
Pick the lesser evil. I'll deal with the nightmares to be creative.I just can't deal with the feeling of crying late at night. I hate crying more than most so I bottle it up. I really should stop doing that.