Monday, December 28, 2009

This pisses me off

So I have beads and findings and art crap everywhere. I cannot stay in one room. I also like to drag it with me. I know from experience if you use it for art it will be more from art websites or stores. But this is insane.

I went to FireMountainGems to buy more clutter and rummaging around I came across an organizer. It's listed prices is 68$

At the Cabela's website the near same tote AKA " Tackle Box " is on sale for 14.88.

I went to the Plano web site and the cases are interchangeable so you can have the deep storage or the shallow storage.
Now in my Christmas wanderings I wandered down the isle at academy. I found 18 versions of this tote/ tackle box. The seventy dollar tackle box was beyond awesome, it had boxes within boxes within their own sections. It made these two look like child's play. And they sold the jewel case/ lure box and superglue and line -I might add, for a fraction of what the three "art" stores in this town sell them.

Every time I see someone buying storage containers or totes from an art store I just want to shake the crap out of them. And then find the person who is marking this stuff up and just kick them once or twice for intently ripping people off.

OK I am done for now.

P/S--- these are the photo's from the sites, thery are not my photos, they belong to whoever took them blah blah blah disclaimer.

Saturday, December 26, 2009


Nikki keeps screaming


at every single tree she sees.

Oh, how I love the holidays....

I refused to go grocery shopping today just because of the mad rush of people for the sales and returns.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Santa and his Witches


Hahahaa.... this was too good to pass up. If youa re wondering by now why I have five post all with one photo a piece, I am learning picasa and have yet to figure posting more than one photo.....
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My Tree

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Christmas lizard

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This is the lizard that took me an hour to free from the tape on which it was stuck. I used a small watercolor brush, warm water, and olive oil to free this poor thing. I put the brush in the olive oil and coated the lizard with the oil (except for head) and put the brush fibers against the lizard's skin and spin the brush so the skin was pushed up to the lizard's body and away from the tape.
I freed the legs and tail first then the stomach and finally the head.

Christmas Ornaments

I made christmas ornaments for my moms tree. It had two ornaments on it, Nikki's butterfly and an angel on the top. She is off the wall in love with my new jewelry that I have been making, so I made ornaments for her tree.
She was happy as could be with them. I wish I thought of it earlier so she could have a full set. I am probably going to forget until next year and then be " oh DUH!" around christmas eve.

Monday, December 14, 2009


We went into the woods to get my tree. It is an awesome natural, leaning to the side.... "what's wrong with your tree?! It's all....where is the top?" Exclaimed Star's oldest, when he walked in the house. He crept tword it as if expecting a racoon or small flock of bats to attack him.

"We got it our of the woods."

"Yeah, but, aren't you supposed to trim it or something?? It's really got this from the woods??" He is touching the tree now and then he relized I have a pink skeleton with rhinstone eyes, pokemon charators, dinsey movie, and mini beanie babies. After the excited babble wore down and Colton finally stopped using a mini fish net as a makshift trebechet with the ornaments that he purloined by hiding under the tree and reaching up from the back to yonk from the front. I explained that McDon's used to have 101 charactors for the happy meals one christmas season (9 years ago) I almost got the entire set (I worked there) and made them into ornaments. Same with the beanie babies. And anything else I think will look fun, like the two witches that share the top with Santa.

The tree is a ceder top, so next year it will grow back to fill in what we harvested. I trimmed three feet off the top and probably three feet around the tree itself just to get it to fitsomewhat into the corner.
After we got it up I realized that it kinda rounds near the top and to the back. *grins* I made the remains into a wreath to hang off the front of the house.

My grandma sent presents from the bunch up north. They lasted about five min before Nikki and colton ripped them open when I went to get the phone. The living room was covered in filler, wrappers and they have lotion all over them. (one of the gifts)

I did good. I didn't freak, i just gathered everything up but left the paper and boxes for them. (I had free time fore about 10 min....yea me!!) I got two books-- crocheting with beads- it looks like it will be a fun one to try and jerry bakers flower power--- ohohohohoh I LOVE him. He is an awesome garden guru!!!

it is later than I thought, i get to sleep into tomarrow because I have no babysitting!!! who hoooo two weeks off!!

Monday, December 7, 2009


I had an epiphany yesterday.

All the clutter in the kitchen belongs to me.

I was shocked. I have gathered that much stuff?? Really?
So I crept closer to the pile and it is ALL mine. Lots of artwork stuff but no artwork. So this weekend I will filter my stuff and (hopefully) donate it so someone that needs random art stuff. Maybe I will trade it for beads.

It is allot of clutter.

Any ideas for an entire set of encyclopedias from 1988??

Now it is cold and wet

Ok, so rollerblading is out. I don't mind rollerblading in the cold, or dark. But the water everywhere will rust out my bearings and at 40$ a set they are way to expensive to rust out.
I am drinking my water. No headaches over the last 2 days.

I did walk with nikki the other morning around the neighborhood. Sometimes it is wierd because my highschool geometry teacher lives in my neighborhood. I try and be nice but I cannot help but to remember that I was a horrid math student that was mouthy to cover my ignorance and other issues. I still suck at math. I hate walking past his house because I instantly feel like a dumbass for about 30 steps.
That morning he is outside, says hello, and asks me how many months Nikki is old. I pause because 1) months??? huh?? 2) tired and was still drinking my first cup of coffee,after a bout of insomnia- I was running on 3 hours of sleep. I thought for a second and the only number that was in my head was 36 so I blurted that out. "really??", He asks with a surprised look on his face. " She is three?"
"No, she is 2 in a half" I answer, feeling dumber.
" Oh. So she is 30 months then." He smiles as he says this to me.
"Yeah. Something like that."

Oh, how I despise you. I wanted to poke him in the forehead. Not hard, but just enough to leave a red mark for about 5 min.

I feel like a different person from 13 years ago. Still "unhinged" according to some, I just feel like I am tapping into the organic artist thought stream. I read part of Holographic Universe and I instantly connected to the topic of holographic memories and consciousness.( That is a another post altogether)

Anyway, I have brewed on it for a couple of days, flitering emotions I have decided that he falls into the catagory of my "they suck" list for going out of the way to make someone feel dumb. He did it in highschool and the habit continues today, therefore I must ignore him as a whole.

Friday, December 4, 2009

my art mess

Snow snow snow!!!!

This will be the second year in a row the we here in the heart of hurricanes and droughts south east texas, recieved a half inch of snow.

I made a snowman and put him on my trunk. He stayed there to the grocery store and then when I came out someone stole my snowman. and all the snow on my trunk. I thought it was funny because 3 years ago i would have done the same thing.

Nikki's other toy is the bag of lemons her daddy brought home for us (organic local farmer!!! The hippie in me is screaming for joy) Today her brought home tangerines and oranges.

Nikki's toy for the rest of the night is the plastic box, we are going on an hour of her playing in it.

This is my aunt's clock I am making for her. It is the "Tacky Gift". I told her two years ago I would make her the tackest gift I could each year. She is hard to buy for so I figured going horrible to the extreme *giggles*
My aunt thinks they are funny as hell. Last year she got a teapot that bordered on an acid trip.

I am....

hey it is freaking cold outside.

I am still drinking my water.
I am crabby and nuerotic.
I am happy my husband is camping this weekend.
I am sad my husband is camping this weekend.
I am abusing my hot chocolate privilage.
I am stagnating with my artwork.
I am stir crazy.
I am looking for a job to harass people.
*Ever see 'Waiting' ? I am the dark hair screaming girl in the back. I could be your waitress...nyah nyah nyah nyah..... I miss my job.

I am looking forward to a relaxing weekend with no boys in which I can watch whatever I want, and have all my jewelry scarttered everywhere.

I am half done with my families various clocks. :)

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Mental Notes

Drank 3 waters to 5 cups of coffee.

Did four sets of the ab excersize.

Helped DJ with his math project.

Had angry cleaning energy.

Lost three pounds last week.

Dyed my hair dark brown red.

Fantized briefly about moving out.

Now I am tired.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Black Friday

While the boys were hunting as an early christmas gift, I was sitting at home playing with beads and stuff. Normally i stay on busy shopping days because I prefer to pretend that humanity is ..well, human.
Oh, how I hate the holidays and nasty, tired people. I went into HobLob because the silver was on sale and I was bored at home. Plus I needed to get some Ideas for my families'- clocks I am making for them. Think of feathers and glitter on a clock. I see it in my head, hopefully I can get it out of my head and under their trees. Of course this depends upon bills and blah blah blah. Maybe I will paint a pic and let them know they are always late so it doesn't matter what time it is :)

I talked to my dad, step mom and sister the other night. It takes an act of god to get ahold of them. Plus they are almost never online. They are doing good. I found out that one of my favorite movies is also my sisters and I am just tickled pink. So I am running plans thru my head to makes Nightmare Before Christmas stuff for her. I was thinking of a studded leather belt with shrinkydink charactors on it embedded it bottle caps. Maybe a messanger bag with Jack on it. Now that I know her a little better I can get/make gifts for her that are more suited to her and not what I think she might like.

I just met her 3 1/2 years ago and have only seen her once since then. And at first we spoke on the phone allot but as I battled post pardum depression, then my husband being hurt, being attacked by a cat, another hospital stay, and the ensuing fighting/depression cycle we are going thru it was extrodinarly hard to keep up with anyone.

I replaced my mom's fuel filter today, I still smell gas under my nails but her jeep is running allot better now.

The boys came home today. DJ got a huge 10 pt and all together they saw 18 deer. I can tell the trip has lifted Donald's spirits and DJ was about bursting out of his head with pride. This is DJ's first buck that was not considered a cull deer.

lets see.... oh yeah- I dug out my rollerblades and tuned them so I can start rollerblading again. I miss the feeling of just blading for the hell of it. Plus I lost allot of wieght and kept it off while I was blading everyday. Since I had the gallbladder out I have lost 30 lbs, went from a tight 16 to a 12. Depending on the time of the month (haha duh) some days my 12s are perfect. BUT I still have not hit the 199 mark. I have 7 lbs to go. It sucks. My eating habits are not the best but I am working on it. Mainly due to the side effects of the lack of a gallbladder. Which I hate deep down.

So, I will start up the p90x every other day for 20 min a time. I am supposed to be everyday for an hour but I will throw up after 25 min.
I will do bicycle excersizes everyother commerial break while I watch TV.(ab ab absssss!)
I will rollerblade for 10 min everyother day.
I will log my times.
I will drink one cup of water per cup of coffee I drink.( I started doing this already and have been feeling much better for the last 3 days)
The coffee thing is because coffee is a diuretic so it was making my system dump fluids that I was not replenishing, hence the bloating, crabbiness, constipation and horrid migrains. Since I drink coffee all day....duh.

This will be December plan. Lets see if I can keep it.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

turkey day

turkey turkey turkey turkey daaaaaaaaay!!!!!

Donald cooked, DJ cleaned the livingroom, Donald helped me with the dishes (alllll the dishes) I was in bliss!!! I felt just plain good today. Tomarrow I might plumment but today we are good.
I sent them hunting as an early christmas present, they should be gone until sunday.... I am crossing my fingers:)

Nikki was happy as a clam running around the table sampling everything randomly eating. I told everyone who did not want nikki cooties in their food to eat from the middle not the edges.

Thank You

I opened my email today and saw an email titled "THANK YOU" from someone I did not know. Hoping it was not spam that slipped through the lines I read this ---

"I received your message on ****(dot)com that was indeed my chocolate lab we picked him up Friday and h'es back home we're all very happy.

Thank you so much, for taking the time to email me, I probably would have never saw the ad"

When I have insomnia I go to a local site that does free ads, news, etc. In the pet section I compare animal lost and found ads. I have noticed that people put the ads up in five different sections so I skim thru to see if any match.
Three or four times I have emailed people to match ads up but have never had any feedback.
This time among the hundred or so ads there was a photo of a choc lab who was lost for two months. It tore at me a little bit because they live about a mile from my house and with the cyotes and jerks stray or lost dogs do not have much of a chance.
About an hour later in the regular lost and found was a Found ad with a chocolate lab also with a pic. I compared the photos I thought they might be alike so I sent an email to the family to look in the regular lost and found section. I did not hear anything so after a few days I put it out of my mind.
Then today I got that email and I am so tickled pink that they were able to get the family dog back in time for the holidays. Especially for their children.

I remember not having the closure when my mom's dog went missing in the 80's. I looked and watched for that dog for years. I nagged my mom constantly if she had heard anything about the dog. I found out a few years ago that she had been hit. My mom thought it was better not to tell me (which most parents want to protect their child from a pets death)
I hope this helps their holidays and honestly it has helped me a little bit. I feel really good knowing that I helped another family. I cannot help as much as I want financally or rescue the small and fuzzies that I would like to help.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Tests in Houston

Donald had to go in for a nueropsych evaluation (NPE). I did not look up the process because I did not want to arm him in anyway so the test results would be natural.
After 45 min of paperwork he went into the room and I stayed in the reception area with my jewelry stuff to stay busy and quiet. After 2 1/2 hours I hear a clunk and then the door slammed open with Donald barking out that he is taking a break.

It took at least 20 min to talk him down and convince him that he needed to finish the test. I was concerned that he was just going to leave, which would mean that we would have to go threw this again.

After an hour or so he was done. And was a crabass the entire way home. Which in houston 5 pm traffic is god awful. It took 30 min to travel 5 miles on the highway. After we finally found the highway.
The correct highway.
And turning left does not mean that you are going left.
Nothing is labeled.
Including the lanes. I decided I need a sticker on my door that says "Passenger does not have any influence on the driver"

It was a wierd ride home.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

meteor shower

I saw two, and thought "oh AWESOME! feet are cold."

Because I am that smart-- I am wearing shorts, a tanktop, and a light jacket. It is 40 degrees outside, at 12:30 at night I am staring at the sky on a freezing brick walkway. No shoes or socks.

A minuet after I stepped on the walkway my nose became unclogged, and my headache went away.

This futher pushes another crackpot theory I have been harboring. I would go swimming at the river during the winter, for at least three years. Those are the years I never caught a cold or the flu. Dive in, splash around, climb out and take 20 min to warm back up. I got ear infections but I also smoked a half pack a day then, so I am not sure if it was the crap in the water or the smoke for the ear infections.

we will know tomarrow if I made myself sicker or if I am stabilized. Since Nikki hid my nasal pot I can't use that to help me get better.

Donald might get laid off friday. Sucks ass.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Nikki's new book and a cold

Mom picked Nikki and I up to rummage thru the book store and load up on coffee. It feels like a new store because they rearranged everything and have new sandwhiches. We shared a chicken on focatta with basil pesto and tomato grilled. It was about divine.
I wandered down the comedy (for lack of a better word) isle and found a book for colton that is The history of Farts with a speaker and different fart buttons. It is drive Star's eyes thru the back of her head. And one for her that is The nuerotic book, it is over 100 pages on the way this woman/man has nuerotic tendancies-- such as organizing the clothes hangers in department stores to be equidistant from each other on the rack. I felt downright sane reading that book.

Then I heard "meow" from my feet. Nikki found Simon's Cat book. She adores that cat and the cartoons.She will copy what he does - meowing, getting in your face to get your attention, clawing up the furniture. Nikki carried the book around the store and meowed at people until she got bored and became a tyrant.
But we got the book, which has no words, captions or page numbers and she has been reading it off and on for two days.

We went for a boat ride up the bayou which was gorgous with the cypress changing colors, Nikki got to see a ton of turtles and play in the water. I had to hold her life jacket straps because she was leaning on the side playing in the water that the boat was throwing.

I caught a cold. I could feel it surface when my ear started hurting. My first thought was oh crap. Nikki had a fever this morning, I felt like crud. Now Nikki is fine, I still feel awful. I am hoping, praying for the better term, that it is not the flu.
I don't think it is because I can still think and see clear, plus the cold front hit today and it went from 70 to 45 in three hours. I get sick when the cold front decends. uuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhh.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

AH HA!!!!!!


My mom's husband found a site that had the inverter board for 27$ plus 9$ for shipping.
And after watching my computer being disected then put back together I did not have to bring it back out there for him to put the board in. (Yup, I am bragging:)

I was busy during my interent vacation.

I learned to work with copper and how to solder. I learned to treat the copper with heat to make the colors come out and as long as I seal the copper the colors will not change.
The clorine in tap water accelerates the copper to change color. Outside copper take years to go thru all the color changes, in the bathroom it will take about a year to turn black.
Mom got me some new jewelry supplies which sparked my jewelry bug. So now I am on that kick for awhile. I had almost given up on the chandiler for the bathroom but then found an awsome new website that sells copper, bronze and brass. So I can get all the stuff I need to make the various things for the house.And I looked up how to make a mini forge to I spend less on gas to heat the metal. But I need to get an anvil.
Ultimatly I would love to make a fence for my gardens out of the swirled copper and other metal.

Donald seems to be getting worse, his depression is deepening and he get irrational about bizarre things.
The other night we got into a tiff because I did not write on the note i left where I had gone. I was mad at him so yes, I left that info out, but I have my cellphone on me so all he has to do was call. And he did.
then it just escalated, mainly focused that I take everything he says wrong, and there is something else wrong with me. Then he told me that after the beginning of the year I can pack my crap and we will go our separeate ways.
The next day he apologized, we have been fine so far.
I know it is from the head injury. If his behavior was like this and he had never been injured, I would be gone. But I feel so bad wanting to leave because he needs the emotional support to try and get him thru this time.
I feel sad, so I turn to my artwork to cope. Hopefully, I will get better with my artwork.
Now I just need to learn about petina and acid washes and I will be a happy happy camper.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Title me blank

I seriously could not think of any title for today.... that is sad in so many ways.

Nikki is terrorizing Colton so they are out of my ear momentairly.

My weekend was intertesting. My computer decided to stop showing the screen unless you had a flashlight angled just right on it. The inverter board in the screen itself is caputted. I have the option of replacing the inverterboard or replacing the screen. Prices ranging from 84$ to 350$.
It is not like I have mula to"see" which problem it is. Because it might not be the inverter board. Are you serious? So now I have it set up to a monitor and it can just be stationary for awhile.

One month after the warrenty expired:)

damn irony.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Copper Findings

I have turned to metal work since the weather has cooled down or according to the weatherman, the Cold Front. It is 55 at night. That is not cold, it is cool.

While puttering at the beach some months ago I saw some metal sticking out of the water that caught my attention. It wound up being about 10 to 12 feet of 8 to 10 gauge copper solid tubing/wire.

So I took it home to add to our recycling bin.Then it became my new tolit paper holder.

As everyone knows that has read my obcession with my bathroom redo, I am making everything for it.

I had to look up soldering, copper, annealing etc. It did give me an excellent excuse to use my small oxyceltelene cutting torch.

I have also decided to take on the challenge of making my own bathroom sink. I want to make it out of a copper sheet. You Tube has very little in the way of vids on this topic. I was surprised.

I did get that 18 to 20 gauge will be ok to use 14 to 16 would be best but would require more mula and heat. I have a propane torch and about 30 bucks. I did find that all I need for the 20 gauge copper is a tree stump and a rubber mallet. No lie. I am stoked because I really want a copper sink but really would never spend 200 on a sink. My hubby looked at me and asked me why i don;t just paint it...
It is so not the same.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


My relationship moves in a cycle. Star and I sat and hashed it out. It was eye opening and irratating. Eye opening because I said things out loud that I normally bury deep into my brain.
The cycle moves like this. We get along great for awhile to a long time due to the fact I ignore certain behaviors and don't say what is on my mind. Translation-- I am not honest. He hides behind his rudness by saying he is honest. But when I am honest, I was informed that something was wrong with me because I am not happy staying at home. (stagnanting) He claimed later that he said that in anger.

Two weeks ago i informed him that if we have another shitty weekend then I would be staying every weekend at my mothers from now on. Friday to sunday Nikki and I would have art retreats to my moms. His behavior changed.

I was giving it three weeks.

It took 6 days.

Tonight I found out my ex-step-grandfather is on a ventilator and has days or weeks left. I have not seen him in 15 years but I liked him and his family allot when I visited them for a month.

I went to my husband for comfort and everything was going well until he made the comment- we really don't have the money for you to go- I snapped at him that I knew that and it really sucked I didn'[t have the money to go see a dying family memeber. He then snatched his hand from me and snapped back that I just need to do whatever the hell I want. And he is tired of my attitude.

So now I was shocked because he is acting like an asshole and accusing me of having an attitude. Yes, I snapped. But did it not accure to him for a min or a nanosecond that I was mad that yet another family member is dying and I cannot go see them.
The fight escalated, and it got turned to him being tired of me being a bitch and he does not feel like putting up with my attitude. So I gathered up my child and told him I am sorry for being such a bitch then walked out. I made sure everylight in the house was on and I did my dishes. Noisily.

So the Passive Aggressive fun starts.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

This about sums up my weekend

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's

empty, and so is your head.

(from some email I got- I dunno who wrote this)

Sunday, September 27, 2009

I posted on craftster

I posted my bathroom on Craftster and it has gotten 1100 reads. That is amazing!!! I never thought it would be popular.

I made the medicine cabinet this weekend. Or rather I got my neighbor (who has the most incredible workshop) to show me how to use the power tools-- table saw, chop saw, belt sander, nail gun, and the router.
It was soooo neat.

Men and women speak totally different languages. I had to stop them from talking, get them to translate, then shoo them away from the *whatever tool* so I could learn to use it. It was fun. I made a customised solid wood medicine cabinet. It is recessed into my wall so the mirror that I am getting next week will be flat against the wall.

I am now trying to figure out how to make the door for my vanity. It is curved and according to the *know it alls* they would make a straight ,flat door.
"That would take away from the point of the vanity being curved!"

My neighbor looked at me and asked "Why did you make it curved? It would be easier if it was just like a box"

I explained that he is a linear thinker and that would take all the fun away from annoying my husband.

Oh yeah, I am making the final touches on the beaded chandelier for the bathroom. Donald actually used the word Gaudy.
**Grins Brightly**

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Another baby gecko, who was the cutest thing ever, until he jumped at Nikki. I have never seen her shoot away from something that fast. Except the bug last night a 2 am but that involved screaming in the hallway until I rescued her.

It is purple. My husband swears it is pink. Now I want to paint my bedroom pink and soft green just to mess with him. And that will give me an excuse to tear the water bed frame apart....ooooooooo, good thing he does not read my blog:)

Monday, September 14, 2009


I was going to type some revelation or another. But I need to go cook.

Star gave me a book named "The Bitch in the House" 26 stories about marriage, children, sex and staying at home.

I have flipped thru and read three pages. It fits, and has helped somewhat just knowing that lots of other women are slowing going nuts too.

Saturday, September 12, 2009


I had an awesome dinner at my favorite chinese resturant, rattled to Donald about whatever popped in my head, which the thifty nickle was excellent fodder for conversations. Until the sake kicked in. Then we were laughing about dam near everything. He wasn't drinking he was just in a good mood and had been messing with me since hours previous.
I have finally gotton the bathroom finished(ish). The walls are retextured and painted. The trim is caulked and painted, in some places reattached. annnnnnnnnd i finally got the vanity inside!!!
We got into the biggest tiff over this vanity. Donald is a linear thinking person. I think more curves. So naturally we clash or accept each other. When I am more stressed we clash.
He messed with my design of the vanity. He strighted out the curves and cut off one whole section. I was pissed. Yes, I should be grateful that he offered to cut out and put my pieces together. But do not mess with my design and then tell me that it has to be that way. Because wood cannot be shaped like that.
Not only will I be an absolute bitch about it, but I will take the project apart and then cut, trim, sand until it is the way it was supposed to be when I designed it.
And it looks good, is functional and he went off on a tanget of why blahblahblah has to be in a certain place. He watched me rub my forehead and count to 20 before I answered.

Now I am on my fourth rum and coke. I am barely buzzed. It has to be a sign from the drinking gods that I should not be/get drunk. Nikki is with my mom to give me my down time. SO maybe i just goof off time more than anything else.
So I am typing away, watching Bleach, which I have seen all the episodes up to 233 fan subbed, and listening to the english is entertaining. I find the subbed/dubbed debate annoying. I look at anime this way- i started watching it in dubbed, then switched over to sub titled on Hulu, which made my brain excersise to 1)block read 2)listen to another language and read in english 3)switching back to english is making things inside the grey matter run better.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Losing it

Ah ha. I have slightly lost it. Not that I really had my marbles together to begin with but I am slipping down a slope to be cliche.
Everything my family does is grating on nerves that do not exist. one part of my mind is screaming "WTF are you doing?" while I am freaking out because my husband failed to fill the ice tray yet again. Not that it is empty per say, there are technically four ice cubes left. But after a tempermental toddler all day, a bathroom that is taking way to long because again I have a tempermental toddler, and cleaning.
No time to myself. And I am tired of crap. On some levels I cannot wait for hunting season to begin so they will leave for the weekend so I can detox.
Logically this is a reaction to the last 18 months of stress and worry. Mentally worn down.
Illogically everything is pissing me off. Donald tries to so something nice and it is not good enough. I am picking at it or he is not doing it my way. I am watching myself become a control freak. And bitter. I really cannot think of time that I have felt bitter like this.
He does not remember much, so am I destroying my relationship or does it not affect him because there is no short term memory and long term is shot to hell too? Maybe I just need a couple of days to unglue and then I will feel better.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Four Thousand and counting...

I counted up my dots. It was 90 pages of scrapbook 12X12's, so the 1 inch dots totaled 4,400 and the 1/2 inch dots total around a 1000. I love Joann's scrappaper sale - 5 sheets for 95 cents.

But the Spar outdoor varnish is excellent water proof and gives it a smoother texture. I did miss sealing some of the dots so the varish soaked in and gave it a darker look in some spots. Which only bugs me.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

21 days later...

Finally got done with the shower. We can take a shower, I still have to put up trim but I am tired and waiting until this weekend.
Nikki caught something, and I got a collective two hours sleep last night. Colton and Nikki fought all morning, and cross contaminated each other to have the perfect blend of sinus drainage and the first cold of the season.
Then they gather together all the power that snot gives them and blast germs onto every surface with an alarming intensity. And they giggled the whole time. There was not enough Lysol to save my poor immune system of the attack of the two year olds. Not only is my head trying to invert itself from lack of REM sleep, but now I feel the explosion building up that you get right before the snot takes over five of the seven orfices.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Pained Days

Donald was in serious pain all weekend. What this translates into is that he wants us around but does not want to talk or make concessions of the television programs or get out of the livingroom so I can clean it. I refuse to clean while he is in the room.

I am starting to be affected by his pain again. Mainly because I cannot do anything about it. Not being able to relieve the pain or diminish it in anyway is frustrating as hell.

It took me five hours of work to finish the bathroom wall. I just needed him to keep Nikki's attention for a couple of hours. She wound up in the bathroom with me, tucked into the bathtub with pillows and blankets watching Nemo on my comp. So began the great pissiness of the weekend. I kicked him out of the livingroom last night and cleaned it top to bottom, after I cleaned our room and the bathroom. When I clean that much I am either pissed about something, or frustrated. Last night was a bit of both.

So either he is projecting or I am picking up way to much or both. But his back pain is starting to make mine hurt in the exact same place. Same with the neck and the headaches.

After massages, heat, cold, streching, a hot bath- nothing made his neck/shoulder any better. You could look at him and see the band creepingbetween his neck and shoulder on both sides and it was swelling up. At one point it was as thick as my thumb and went to his collar bone. I finally made him take his older and stronger pills, which he hates taking because he is beyond usless for the rest of the day.

I was in near tears because I am so frustrated and mad at him being hurt. Either I have a great husband who can be very sweet or I have the jerk or I have the doped up sweetheart who has no recollection of being nice.
I feel like I am living with three different men.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Found the camera!!!!

Ah HA!!! I found my camera from my child. Here is a progression of my Dots.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Before and Middle- Bathroom

Before Bathtub/Shower....eeeewwwwww......

Before Vanity-- cluttered eeeewwwwww......

New Curvey Vanity design----

My dots for the shower wall. The same someone who scattered 500 of them around my livingroom has also hidden my camera with the pictures of the 1 of 3 walls finished.....

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Tornado Afternoon

A storm brewed all morning while I worked outside. It thundered from 9 am still is.... around 130 or so I had my two walls finished and ready to be attached. It started raining hard and a ton of lightening. At 230, I was still attaching and Donald calls. He asked if everything was ok and I was kinda clueless, ummm yeah.
A tornado just hit Dowlen road (main bussiness area in our city) and I live about 4 miles from the mall.

10 people were hurt, not seriously. Walmart and Kohls had sections of the roof ripped off. (I despise kohls for the their employee treatment, and lack of donating clothes to charities they cannot sell- so the evil side of my heart just leaped for joy at the amount paperwork they will have to do)

We have another HUGE cell that might be headed for us and it is a wierd feeling of wanting to run.

Monday, August 17, 2009

The Bathroom and Vanity Woes

I thought I posted the post about my vanity. But I wrote it and forgot to post it.
I took out my vanity and sink because the drain has been rusted shut for 10 some odd years. (we wash out hands at the kitchen sink, etc) So I figured I should just take out the vanity since it was compressed particle board which was falling apart.
And I hated the sink top.
So I was halfway thru the process of making a new vanity and after watching the weather channel I had DAYS before it would rain. I moved my stuff outside to glue together. The fumes of the flame resistance glue are explosive.(Irony at it's finest)
I go inside to cook and we eat and then I hear this odd plinking sound from the chimmeny. There is bright sunlight streaming thru the windows and it is pouring at the house. We got an about half an inch or rain in 20 min, only at the house. I walked outside to look down the road, I was standing in dry sunlight. Translation- Nikki and I ran outside to wash our hair in the run off and play in the puddles. Anyone who knows me, this is not new. I try to do this everytime it rains. The rain makes my hair softer.
Then I remembered the Vanity. It was destroyed. It glue was still good, just like it claims on the back. But the cardboard had not been sealed yet so it fell apart.
I am really kinda happy about it because I can start over and I had learned from my mistakes on the first one.
Like this next one should not lean to the left.

My bathroom walls are covered in different colored marker lines. I am trying to decide how I want everything to flow. My mom said that I am an organic artist because I like curves and swirls. I am also thinking about painting Dr.Suess fish on the walls.
Now onto the fun filled surprises in the bathroom. Again the builders of the house were unable to make the floor and the wall meet yet again. I was not as surprised this time. But the upside is that our walls on the part of the house are 8 inches thick, and that is unheard of now days. This is why the last couple of hurricanes have not hurt this house as bad as others in the area. So I Great Stuffed the gaps then put the sheetrock on. after much cussing and annoyance.
Then I stagnated. I have never been so sore and tired in a looooooong time. I think my arse was bruised from sitting on the edge of the tub. In total from ripping crap out, cleaning up, measuring,cutting,gluing, nailing, installing,and cleaning up again--10 hours. Which is not bad.
I probably have another five hours of work. Maybe more since it will be just Nikki and I "being artistic" __ the quotations are from Donald. I grinned ear to ear when he did that.

Thursday, August 13, 2009


I am tired.
I got up at 5:30 this morning to get my day started on The Bathroom.
I had my coffee and yogurt, Nikki chased the cat around the house and I got DJ to play mamma all day so I could tear apart the walls.
It took an hour to get the wallboard off.
"Ah, crap." I do believe were my exact words. I have to replace all the sheet rock from the the floor to three feet up. So at 7:30 I am harassing people at Home Depot, who can't find the key to the fork lift to get down my two pieces of greenrock (bathroom sheetrock).
Half an hour later I have my sheetrock, and glue and caulking.
More coffee.
I still cannot cut a straight line.
The people who built this house were nuts. Most of the time when people put a window in the wall it is neater than the mess I found when I got the sheetrock off. Nothing was sealed, most of the boards were patched together. So after sealing, trimming and nailing it was almost 11am.
At 5pm I am still not done with the sheetrock. I am slow, because I have no idea what I am doing and I am a perfectionist at the same time. Not with the lines being stight but making sure everything is sealed and glued and caulked to where I never have to do this to the bathroom again.
I have the tub sheetrocked but I still have behind the tolit and vanity
(which is almost done) then I can cut my thin board and glue my paper on and then will prolly be done by Sunday. I cannot wait until I can get the pics up.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Perseid meteor shower tonight

"The Perseid meteor shower is about to peak. The show begins after sunset on Tuesday, August 11th, and continues until the sun rises on Wednesday, August 12th. A time of particular interest is 0800-0900 GMT (1-2 a.m. PDT) on the 12th. That's when Earth is expected to pass through a denser-than-usual filament of dust from Perseid parent Comet Swift-Tuttle. Forecasters are unsure what will happen, but some have speculated that meteor rates could surge as high as 200 per hour. Bright moonlight will blot out many of those Perseids, but even a fraction of 200 is a good show.

Visit for full coverage of the Perseids."

I am gonna take pics if I see any!!!! I hope everyone will be able to see them.

The next day----

I saw three, a bunch of bats, bugs, and the moon. We stayed out in the yard until 1am and Dj had a good heart to heart with me.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

The Bathroom

Eleven years ago my husband redid the bathroom. He had no idea what he was doing and it came out really well for not having a clue on construction. I still cannot fathom how he installed a shower with only two 2inch wide holes in the wall. He spent waaaaaaaay to much money on such a small space. He painted the walls, bought new trim, styrofom ceiling,new wall/shower board and vinyel stick on tile. It totaled to $800.
Now the wallboard is rotting out. The vanity needs to be replaced and as the house has shifted the trim has popped off the wall in some areas. He finally noticed the wall board going bad and freaked. We have to replace it now. It is going to cost to much. the wall is going to rot on fall off our house.
This is cuz of the hit to his head that he focuses on certain things. A month ago we talked about the bathroom wall and decided to wait until September. This week we have to do it now.

So I jumped on the boat bullied my way into doing the project. I told him all I need to have him to is help me take the crappy board off, install thin regular board and then go away. I can fix this for a about $100. The ceiling and floor will stay.

I am getting scrapbooking paper ( hahaha I strike again) and am going to paper my shower walls and then I did some research and Outdoor Spar Varish is the best thing to cover the paper. It creates a dull sheen that is almost impossible to cut and nick. And is used for severe outdoor conditions.
I am replacing the vanity with one I am making on Saturday out of cardboard.

Now here is where it gets interesting. I have spoken to my husband for MONTHS about creating new cabinets out of this cardboard for my kitchen.
This morning, after again speaking to him about the cardboard ideas, after drawing my ideas out, after showing them to him. After him telling me it is a good idea. He is shocked when I glue the boards together to test the glue and the strength. It was a spectacular fight. But he finally agreed to leave me alone and let me build what I want because as I pointed out 1) god forbid he be the only one to build stuff for the house 2) I despise the fact that I feel like my only job is maid, mom and whore (he argued allot about that) 3) he is too closed minded to give something new a chance. He gave up I think.

Last night I showed him my plan for the vanity. He thought it was great. Blah blah blah
This morning at 6 am he told me he has been thinking about the bathroom and the vanity might need to be replaced. But he does not want to replace the wallboard behind it because he does not feel like messing with removing the tolit.

I almost started screaming at him. I could actually feel something pop in my mind.

Monday, July 20, 2009


When I got pregant in late 06 my nightmares stopped abruptly. So it has been almost a soild 2 1/2 years since I have woken up screaming or crying. It was really really nice. I felt somewhat normal. After having nightmares since as long as I could remember, it was really relieving to sleep without waking up so much at night to snap myself out of whatever hell my mind was replaying.

Friday morning I pop awake at 6 am absolutly terrified. Donald recognized the signs and hugged me but it did not help. He had to go to work in less than five min so I found myself sobbing at my coffepot. My mom was picking up Nikki, as prearranged the day before, so at least I could have a day to process by myself instead of shoving it to the side.

I started drawing with pencils, something I have not done in years. Just shades of grey. I wound up doing three drawings that day and they were so far out of the norm of what I normally do, the pictures came out incredible. Esp for not having any formal art training at all. And typically I suck with faces.

What makes them so is the blank white eyes in the woman and the monster's eyes. I am thinking if I get it out on paper then maybe I can sleep again without the dreams bothering me.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Continued Swirlies

I feel sorry for the guy at Sherwan Williams paint. I asked for the premix of joint compound, the large one and he told me they have a box of it. I agreed it would work and he asked what it was for.
How are you doing the texture?
With my hands.
Well, yeah.... but how?
With. My. Hands.
...oh. Like -makes gestures of patting the wall.
No. I am doing swirlies.

I got an incredible blank look. Poor guy. I felt for him but then my dingbat side kicked in and I started chattering about my kitchen and how it cost 11$ to texture a large wall. At the exact same time I handed him 21$ to pay for the joint compound that cost 10.81
He paused. "You gave me 21 dollars."
"The cost is 10.81."
"But you said 11 dollars."
(The back of my mind is screaming with laughter)
So I repeated the entire paragraph about my texture and ended it with it cost 10.81 so I handed your 21 so I will get a 10 back with some change.

So I got to terrorize someone for the day and make him wish he worked somewhere else. But when a lady comes covered in little paint spots, torn jeans, flip flops, and a tank top that is COVERED in paint, you run the risk of her messing with you.

Don't mind the clutter or mess, I am still in the process of creating new storage space.
I am thinking of painting the inside of the bottom cabinets purple instead of green. I cannot decide.
When I pulled the bottom cabinet away from the wall I discovered afun filled fact from the past builders. My floor did not reach the wall. So after I pulled the section of paneling off that has been driving me crazy for years I found the 3 foot long 1/4 inch wide acess point for the lizards and large creepy bugs that have been getting in.
I fixed it with adhisve caulking and cereal box cardboard. I also had to fix a couple of bad spots in the sheetrock. Joint compound and cereal box cardboard. it is very soild and cheap, cheap.
I am thinking about painting the original Cheshire Cat on one of the swirls on the east wall. Of course with the quote "we are all mad here.."
It's fitting.

Attack of Giant Birds

We have giant woodpeckers that live around our property. In 11 years they have never ever entered the garden area in serch of food. Appearently the drought is so bad that my handmade swingset and trellis held the best bugs. It looks like someone took a hatchet to both.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Happy Fourth!!!

Hope everyone had a good fourth of July.

To the people that caught the woods on fire down the road from my house- kiss my ass.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Randomized late night thoughts

Tonight must be the night to just type what is in my head. A little over a week ago a random quote came from (ironically) my own blog.

It is a quote from Lewis Carrol. Alice comes to a fork in the the road and asks the Chesire cat which one to take. He responded that it does not matter since she does not know where she is going.

The actual quote, not my abbrevated one, has been running thru my head everyday since I laid eyes on it. Tonight is is screaming for attention.

My subconsious is telling me to just go and do something. Stop trying to figure out what you should be and just be. Your job does not make you who you are, you make you who you are. Your hobbies are who you are.What you read, do, plan, create is what and who you are.

I had forgotton this over the last year or two. I am a wife and mom. I am also a gardener and artist. If I really want to do something then nothing is actually stopping me but my own inhibitions.

My stories for example- I should just finish the current one and self publish then sell it online. Ava will go to a regular publisher because the story- ha, book- is only a quarter done at 26K words.

Maybe I should be an online researcher. I can find thurough information within hours of a question and no less than a day. And not some little half ass one line answer, I double check everything and I read so fast and retain what I read it gets annoying when I hear someone talk about *random topic* and it takes a ton of will power to NOT butt in and give my informed two pence worth.

What is my mental issue with wanting approval but trying not to stand out? It is aggrevating as hell.

Now I am looking thru ads for real estate because the market is killer it seems and finding the right place is pretty easy. My only thing is comming up with the down payment and all that crap. I know it I can get two rent houses then I will be set on turning other ones or have the base to redo the hurricane ones that are selling for under 20K. And I could redo them cheaper than the going rate. I have it in my head, it is just figuring out how to balance raising my toddler and dealing with my husband, who is now the one breaking down.

He gave me the ok to file for disability on him. He is hurting that bad. He is getting worse by the day. So my hope is to get a decent paying job, beg and bribe family to care for Nikki and then have the down payment on the houses. Then I can get one or two more and have enough going that I can leave my job and concentrate on my family. Hopefully have all this done in six months. I do not think I will make it-- Murphy's Law.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Pained Days

Donald's pain is not getting any better. He is getting worse and watching my husband deal with constant pain is just awful.
I worry now. He is in his early forties and might have another forty years left. Can he live with this much pain for forty more years? Will the good days outshine the bad days? Can his liver handle the constant stream of painkillers or will I watch him slowly fade away?
He is already a different person from before he got hit. Some days he is so quiet it is eerie. That's when he is hurting. When he is hurting really bad he just goes into his room and watches TV for hours. He cannot remember anything some days and other days he mixes everything up. The meds are not working unless he takes more. The chiropractor told him that surgery is an option. This last round of chiro only helped for a day.
And he cannot understand that three doctors have told him he will be like this for the rest of his life.
Forever. That word has a whole new meaning.
This one has a new meaning too.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Was Not Bad at All

**Warning: Boring post ahead, it is about cleaning my house, cake, and how to make toddlers run around the yard shrieking for under 3$, and birthday stuff**

I started the day with less than four hours sleep and that was with a toddler who insisted on taking as much possible space as she could. Not to mention not being able to shove my husband over.

**We have a small two bedroom house, allot of people tell me that I need to kick my stepson out of his room so my daughter can have her own room. I do not buy into that thinking. Lets look at this from a somewhat intelligent angle. He is sixteen, already gone thru enough emotional crap to make him have a few neuroticisms and here comes a baby to either make a tumultuous life worse or better. I decided that she was going to stay in our room. DJ may not be here 100% of the time but he is still our family. And being our family you do not purposely make them even more neurotic at a shitty, hormonal, cutting the apron strings time of life.

Nikki has her own bed and she does use it until about 2 am when her light sleep cycle kicks in and she wakes up and migrates to me. Kinda like a homing pigeon.**

Now with that cleared-- I still had a house to clean, and cake type thing to cook, and stuff to lay out. After I cheated my way thru breakfast (scrambled eggs with cheese, sausage,bacon and boudain) I say cheated because I lay everything out on a cookie sheet and broil it for about 6 min. It takes a total of 15 min to cook a breakfast for four. Everyone can get 1 boudain, 2 patties, 2 pieces of bacon and a scoop of eggs. Except for nikki, she just eats the eggs. Then they had to clear out of my way. I had three rooms to clean from top to bottom and 2 hours in which to finish.

I just knew I was going to have to fight with Donald today but he did not say a word about me blasting music all morning. Usually he gripes because my music is too loud.
He was trying to make up for the day before when Evil Bastard lived in my house for about 45 min. Just long enough to do damage and then scuttle back under his rock.

I cooked a Chocolate caramel bar cake today. It is a giant oatmeal cookie with one layer of oat mixture, then melted chocolate, then pecans, then carmel sauce, then another layer of oatmixture. and it is soft. Omigod, my ass would be the size of the house if I made this all the time. It is beyond good.

I whipped up store bought cream cheese icing and drew a (messed up) cow on Nikki's "cake". I tried really hard tho and dammit!! it counts more than anything!! I kept trying to fix it and starsha finally had to tell me that it was ok to just walk away. But everyone liked it.

Nikki got three bathing suits today. My grandfather got her one that was zebra striped with pink accents. I was shocked when I helped her open the gift, it was soooo her!! Starsha gave her a pink dragon( it really completes the set), crazy techno socks which is a funny inside joke. Starsha matches her stuff and her kids always have on matching socks. I am almost polar opposite, and I never have Nikki's socks matching each other. Starsha finally told me to buy a set of white socks. "They come in a huge bag, that way you don't have to worry about them matching!!" So now I have wonderful funny socks for Nikki and I can mix them up to my hearts content and it won't matter.
Hunter gave Nikki a butterfly and flower fuzzy coloring page. All three of them worked on it. Nikki was still playing with the balloons that Starsha had tied around her gift.
Our neighbors Brenda and Jeff (decoration suppliers) got Nikki a swimming pool that has a canopy, a Dora bathtub toy castle, a little mermaid bathing suit and a HUGE thing of bubbles.

My mom is taking Nikki and I to Galveston to the butterfly garden and aquarium this week for Nikki's birthday. She also got Nikki washable markers,crayons, a fake cell phone, an bright green bathing suite, costume jewelry, and a notebook to scribble in.

Jennifer did make it which I was surprised,the day before she said it was too early for her to be in town so she wasn't going to come. She gave Nikki a Dora pop up tent. Nikki has already gathered toys to it. And a pillow is in there. Some clothes.

When for obvious reasons the conversation turned to stripping and cover fees etc. I decided that the kids needed to go outside. With the bubbles. Before Hunter got an education that he did not need.
I bought a little fan thing that blows bubbles. I learned two things today, children love bubbles, and children eat bubbles. Colton had a bubble blowing out of his nose. It was too funny. They ran around screaming chasing these bubbles for 30 min before I got the bright idea to fill up a cooler and make a big bubble bath.
Chaos ensued. The toddlers were covered in bubbles from head to toe and then both climbed into the cooler. Still dressed.

Donald got out his mini aircompressor (never ever buy one-- they suck) and I sat forever trying to get this damn pool inflated. Jeff and DJ took Jeff's fourwheeler and they went down to his house to inflate it in less than five min.
I think Nikki and Colton played in the pool for two hours. They played so much that they popped it and it slowly deflated.

Nikki screamed for 20 min after I brought her inside. My mom keeps telling me how proud she is that I am not losing my temper with Nikki, it is surprising and wonderful that I am keeping so calm when she is flipping out. I used to have a reallly bad temper, so I know where she is getting the DNA code for this particular quirk. I do not want my baby scared of me. She is frustrated because she cannot talk clear enough for us to understand her so she screams and sobs. She will grow out of it and until then I am on xanex as of Tuesday. My nerves are shot in all reality. I don't know how I am not flipping out on her or Donald or DJ or......

After everyone left, Nikki settled down and took a nap. I cooked homemade pizza in which I burnt one and did not cook the other one enough. They ate it anyway because "we did not have to cook it and anything is good as long as we did not have to cook" I could take that as an insult but I have really screwed up dinner before to where I would not even touch it.

It was a great day. Because I am not good at social stuff I was really nervous but everyone seemed to have fun time just watching the kids play and chitchatting.

Fun Day Planned Tomarrow

I can write this due to the knowledge that 90% of the people I know do not know I have this blog. So ha ha.

Nikki's birthday party is tomarrow. I would be happy not having ten extra people in my house but appearently only men can get away with not inviting people for anything. As a mom I must know exactly what to tell everyone to get my child. You have known her for two years please do not make me spell this out in crayon. I do have some guidelines- No puppies, no caffine, no breakable parts, and no porn. She is two, how hard can this be? Get her a box of kleenex, she will be annoyingly happy for 20 min.

I am not serving lunch. Do you really think I want all of you in my house for more than an hour? Noooooooo. No, I am not decorating. No, there is not a theme. Yes, bring napkins. As a matter of fact bring your own plate and fork and cup and take them home with you.

I stood staring at my plates wondering if I had enough and wondering if I really wanted to wash them when DJ walked up and told me to say " why yes, please bring some paper plates" when the next phone call asked if they could bring anything. ooooooooohhhh. As another Blogger(mj) put it-- mild social retardation. A 16 year old boy knows more of what to do than I do. And he has no problem giving me hell about it.

My neighbor decided the theme for me. She came in this evening with tinkerbell plates,cups, and napkins. I was astounded. And grateful, because I have no idea on what to do for this stuff. And at the very least I have another 10 years of this. We got lucky with DJ- he hates parties so we never had to throw one for him. But he knows what to do and how to respond to people's questions. Bizarre.

I have retyped this last paragraph four times. I finally gave up and just deleted it. Finally my meds have worn off and I can go to sleep. At two a.m.


Wednesday, June 24, 2009


We go for walks in the woods behind my house. I will be posting pics of flowers because I am a wildflower geek. I would LOVE to get permission to toss wildflower seeds on the sides of the highways around here.

Bag O Shirts

My friend gave a bag of clothes, "if you can fit into some of them- great! if not then just donate them"
After going through all of them I learned two things. She did not think ahead that she is a size B and I am a size D. Her tween size large shirts will not look cute on me. I will look like the neighborhood desperate hooker wannabe.

So I picked a few out and cut them up to make Nikki some new summer clothes. I did not even have to sew anything just snip to tie knots in them. No, the dresses are not the most stylish or cutest things around, but I also did not spend 80 some odd on clothes that she is going to get paint all over. Tempra paint does not come out of clothes as I found out this weekend. I cut up cereal boxes, side dish boxes, basically any box that I get my hands on and that is what she draws and paints on.

And yes that is still the new carpet but with the realism of scattered crap. This was the best picture I could get, Nikki will not stay still or stay away from me. She is needy today.