Monday, July 20, 2009


When I got pregant in late 06 my nightmares stopped abruptly. So it has been almost a soild 2 1/2 years since I have woken up screaming or crying. It was really really nice. I felt somewhat normal. After having nightmares since as long as I could remember, it was really relieving to sleep without waking up so much at night to snap myself out of whatever hell my mind was replaying.

Friday morning I pop awake at 6 am absolutly terrified. Donald recognized the signs and hugged me but it did not help. He had to go to work in less than five min so I found myself sobbing at my coffepot. My mom was picking up Nikki, as prearranged the day before, so at least I could have a day to process by myself instead of shoving it to the side.

I started drawing with pencils, something I have not done in years. Just shades of grey. I wound up doing three drawings that day and they were so far out of the norm of what I normally do, the pictures came out incredible. Esp for not having any formal art training at all. And typically I suck with faces.

What makes them so is the blank white eyes in the woman and the monster's eyes. I am thinking if I get it out on paper then maybe I can sleep again without the dreams bothering me.

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