Friday, February 5, 2010

One year Ago

One year ago, I felt sick.

One year ago, I weighed 230 plus lbs, size 18(stained).

One year ago, I had stomach pains after eating or picking up anything more than 5 lbs.

One year ago, I was hours from death, my kidneys were shutting down, my liver was shutting down. I acutely wanted to die to escape the pain. My gallbladder had stones and one slipped over to my pancreas to clog a duct. I had acute pancreatitus and gallbladder inflammation. I threw up green ooze, morphine helped for 15 min and I was screaming again. I had one surgery to unclog my pancreas, then another surgery to remove my gallbladder. Which caused my pancreas to flare up again.
I spent 8 days in the hospital, had four docs tell me three different things, and none connected after 3 days that I was going to freak out because my antidepressants wore off. I had an intravenous shot every three hours of Duladin (strong pain killer) for 8 days.

Outcome in a year- I have lost 37 lbs, down to a 12 (I fit into a 10 yesterday!!!!) My cycles are regular for the first time in my life. (TMI!!) I can run/jog for 5 min without throwing up and almost blacking out. It took six months to reconnect my brain on how to cook-- for whatever reason the massive painkillers scrambled up allot of stuff, it took allot of hard work and tears because I kept burning things and forgetting damn near everything.
Unfortunately, not having a gallbladder means I had to adjust my eating habits. The doctors or anyone else in my life forgot to say that any fresh fruit or vegetables will shoot thru you at the speed of light. Caffeine, sugar, salt, dairy, anything with spices had the same effect. During the summer I lost allot of nutrtion and felt very sick again. But I figured out what was wrong and adjusted my eating again and rather pissed off about it.

The art in my head finally found a way out. It filled my house and is currently in suspension due mainly to the fact we have to level the kitchen before I can finish the cabinets and east wall. The plaster cracking is driving me insane.

I am just being lazy on my cabinet in the bathroom.I am mainly stalled on that because I cannot get my copper plate (17 gauge) to make the sink, and I don't want to work on the rest of it until I have my sink.

I have drawn and redrawn lines in the sand with my husband. He used to be the dominate force in the house and the roles have switched. I am resentful that I feel like I am the only adult. But I don't work. It is an annoying contradiction that I think 90% of women would give their left arm to have this situation. It still irritates me.
I have learned that jewelry gets on my nerves because for the amount he spent on the necklace I could have gotten 1.7 carats of London blue saffires and 3 ounces of silver. Just get me the raw materials and I will be a happy, happy girl. For months!! So we have an understanding for Valentines day this year-- he takes me out to dinner this weekend so we don't have to deal with the crowds next weekend. But I get him tools and he gets me the tools for the jewelry/metalworking that I need/desire/ desperately wish to own. And he gives me two IOUs for the rose plants I want to replace the ones my {idiot} dogs destroyed.

In a year we have fought more than in the last 10, we have missed each other more than when I was stuck in MT an extra week due the cat attack in 08. And we are in the same house. We have both changed severely and rapidly and have yet to know if the changes will break us or not. Hopefully not. Even at my angriest I still feel hopeful about the future. Odd, considering I used to be the most pessimistic/ sarcastic person and now a chirpy abit sarcastic/bitchy cheerleader is pushing her way into my psyche.

But yet, I feel that we will be fine. My artwork, while self taught, will continue to improve. My daughter will grow faster than I can keep up. My stepson will demand to be treated like an adult ... until I hand him rent notice. Sorry dude, adults pay bills, you want freedom, I want my cable paid. My husband will be the same, I think surgery will have to be an option. His head aches are coming back rather hard.

Wow, I actually yawned. I think it is time.


  1. OMG you have a lot on your plate . As you change on the outside you change on the inside and vis versa. The weight has been a big thing Congrats !!! But the loss of an organ is a huge What an ajustment Now wonder you feel at sorts so much!! You need more time to see where you and Hubby ar going .It sounds like you are processing so much change. I hope it all works out and it sounds like as it is for me it is for you- Art saves lives. And London blue sapphires Yummy!! One of my sisters favs!!

  2. Thank you!!
    I have been talking a friend of mine about venting online and it just helps so much. I feel for the people that read this sometimes. I know I sound nutty after awhile *grins brightly* But it helps keep things in perspective.
    Oh I cannot wait to get the sapphires, I think it will be a summer project. And, yes, Art has helped me more than I could imagine.

  3. About the food and listening to your body thing, I'm still working on that. It would have been helpful had your doctors felt it necessary to let you in on that bit of information.

    I've recently found that the better I eat, the harder it is for me to eat crappy foods. But, I have yet to reach that point of really feeling great so I know I haven't hit the right balance of foods yet.

    Best of luck with continued improvements in the physical, mental and emotional parts of your life!