Arrrrrt Work!!!

Baby Cradle

My nephew/niece in law are about to have their second child, Brock, on Monday. We don't have much in monetary to give them but I do have allot of wood (another story). So I enlisted the help of my neighbor who has a shop with almost near every wood working device ever made and I was armed with a fuzzy printout on how to build a baby cradle. Unless you have worked wood before the printout is written in gibberish and NOT in step by step. But it was the only one that I could find online for free.
My neighbor did most of the work but I learned an incredible amount and how to use a belt sander, scroll saw, nail gun, the tilt on a table saw, and a paint sprayer. It takes 45 min to clean a paint sprayer. Unless I am painting my house I will never use one again. *smiles*  I made the rockers, one has a slight flat spot. When the cradle rocks on cement or wood floor it sounds like a heart beat when it hits the flat spot.

The paint is a latex enamel for wood. It should last three or four kids before it needs to be repainted. The wood is 3/4 in pre- sanded plywood that is made for cabinets.

I'm Baaaaaack!!!

It has been forever. I have been busy, crazy, and busy some more. This was a plain white eyeglass case and my friend asked me to "Please please, do your thing!"

Annoyance and More

Time to rant.

Things are less than peachy. They are downright baffling to me. While I have know for a long time that I was either pretending to be happy or I had bouts of acceptance that made me believe I was happy. Either one is true and false at the same instant. I knew that I loathed the life I was living, the life that I had made myself mold to make someone think I was happy. Or that someone just did not have a deeper intellect or caring of what was going on outside his three foot personal space. I don't know. I do know that I was led to believe that I was wrong in feeling restless or wanting more for myself, that I was somehow messed up for feeling that I needed to go to school to learn a trade because it can wait and I need to be home for my stepson or we did not have the money. Wait. Wait. Wait.

I caved and started smoking again. We had several discussions about the topic and the next day he finds the cig butts and has an all out fit about them. We had a giant row over the fact I was smoking and how we could not afford it. I had to get him to understand that being a parent to him, his child, and my daughter with no release of stress was coming out as losing my temper over the stupidest things. So he accepted the smoking. I can only take so much medication before I am just another pill head. Plus the fact that on the drugs my thinking slows down to a pitiful rate and I have a three year old. I cannot be a zoned out mother, she would grow up to Dora raising her during the day and sitcoms at night. It is unacceptable.

Now we skip to two weeks later. He is in more and more pain. I fear it is nerve damage in his neck, the back muscles are spasming hourly, he is constantly on muscle relaxers and pain pills. The muscle relaxers change his personality to where I really cannot say how he is going to react to anything. The next day his mind is wiped blank from the day before and we have the same conversations over and over again. But each time it is a different conclusion. He only focuses on two or three words out of a sentence and suddenly blows up over those words.

Today, for instance, he gets a hard tone in his voice and it pisses me off because I feel like I am a teenager getting lectured. I get a tone back and then he starts in on me because I tell him not to raise his voice at me. He flips, and starts actually yelling at me, with the classic and cliche line of  " That wasn't yelling, THIS IS YELLING AT YOU"
It was over the fact that I forget that people asks simple questions in a nice tone when they are actually baiting a hook and when you answer wrong, but honestly, they flip out. I should have been more guarded and not been relaxed. Sad, I know. We were about to drive past a discount tobacco place that he gets his snuff at and I asked him if he wanted to stop and get our nicotine.
"our nicotine, huh?"
"yeah."
"What, you want a carton?"
"I dunno, I guess. Do you think it would be cheaper?"
"Just how many packs are you up to a day now?" --This is when the tone started, deeper bass, harder edged words.
"I am not up to any packs a day. Don't yell at me."
" I am not yelling at you. Why the fuck do you want a carton then?"
"Stop yelling at me. I don't want a carton. You brought it up."
"Why do you want a carton? Why are you getting so defensive with me about this?"
"Stop yelling. Just go in and get you shit and I will get my shit later"
He peals out of the parking lot.
"I am not yelling at you, THIS IS YELLING AT YOU! DO YOU WANT ME TO YELL AT YOU?"


I shut down and stop talking, and now it is my fault because I threw " little fit and went crying to your fucking mama's house". I stayed at the house for three more hours after that, at the end of the three hours I went to him to try and even things out and he wouldn't look at me. I asked him if he wanted me to leave him alone and he told me yes. I asked him for how long and he said he did not know. So I packed up my art stuff and my kid and left for my mom's. He never said a word. I think he wanted me to leave. I think he wants me to leave. So it will be my fault and he will not look bad for kicking his wife and three year old out of the house.

In my defense I have only stayed at my mom's house when we were fighting twice in the 10 years we have been together. The rest of the fights, I stayed and fought it out or stayed and suffered the silence and coldness. Either way I never ran off or ignored the fact he existed and watched TV for hours/days on end. I tried. I really actually tried.

I even tried calling later (conditioning) and he was flippant when I told him that I was staying at my mom's. Do you not care? No. You always get to do whatever you want, so what does it matter how I feel? You throw your little hissy
Ah, that is right. I forgot I never ever try and stay at the house and work things out with you. I always run the fuck off.
yeah, you do.

It is like arguing with someone that is bi polar-- they have no recollection whatso ever of what they say. He is the same way. He will say whatever he wants to win the argument. And the more hurtful and untrue the faster it will fly out of his mouth.
The sad thing is, I just realized this about 2 weeks ago. How sad is that? Now what the hell do I choose?
Left or right?

Later at night, I find my daughter is asleep, i have time on my hands, my husband is either drug induced sleep or  hurting so much that my touch is unbearable to him. So I putter around on the internet, grasping at things that interest me at one point in time but I do not have the drive to accomplish them.
The toll takes a long and harder hit on me at night. Sleep is an odd thing. One night I will sleep so soundlessly and other nights I am plauged by nightmares or dreams that are so intense and real that they wake me up and feel like memories that happened right then.
They bug me the most because they cause the what if's to rear it's ugly head up. The nightmares I am used to, I have had them since I was small and only do I have a dreamless sleep when I am on medication. which means I do no artwork either.
Pick the lesser evil. I'll deal with the nightmares to be creative.I just can't deal with the feeling of crying late at night. I hate crying more than most so I bottle it up. I really should stop doing that.

pppffffffffttttttttt

It has been way to long since I have posted anything.
I find myself wishing I had taken a different path many years ago and it is really grating on my mind. The what if's bear down and make life that should be happy almost saddening unbearable.
Let go and live, right? What you have now you should be able to accept and be happy. But the tears well up and just haunt right behind my eyes, close up my throat and make me want to scream. I wish I could split in two so the other me can run off and find her heart while this me would be happy without the what if's.

I hate depression.

Hy husband's head injury seemed to flutter away for awhile and now in the last week suddenly his short term memory is shot to hell again. And I mean 6 hours.
Everyday I have the same conversations with him, over a range of topics and each topic he will come to a different conclusion.
I caved after our last fight and bought a pack of cigs, it took two days before I would open them. I told him right off the bat so we could skip the whole "you betrayed me" accusations. The next day he found some butts I had in a cup (WTF was he looking in the bottom of a trash cup anyway) on the patio and he asked whose they were.
It suddenly dawned on me that I am having an affair with his alter ego. That is the only way I can explain how one day he is so accepting of things and the next day refuses to speak to me at all because he found out I am smoking again. And then he can;t understand why I am upset.
I am having a make believe relationship. You cannot remember day to day so what is the point of even trying. What is the point of even caring anymore? Why am I still here? Is it because I still care or is just fear of change?
Maybe if I start writing again i will feel better and get confusions out of my head.
So feel free to ignore the drama writing over the next month or so, I don't mind, I am trying to get the pathways in  my mind cleared so maybe I can think and remember clearly again.

Fair

I love the fair. Mainly for the rides and the adrenaline rush of spinning around upside down at night. It is just great to giggle that much while a kid a screaming next to you that he is going to be sick. I have also been know to howl throughout the entire ride. Make beeping noises when they go backwards, and only scream on the way down because I am actually screaming at the people standing around the ride.

Good times.

Nikki's medicine has sped her up so I am going to update more tomorrow!

Really? It's been a month??

It's been almost a month since I posted?? Holy cow.

In my drama style, I am feeling better and we are keeping the pace of having a grand fight on the 20th. It was stupid and buried under the rug (to fester)...:) Cig smoke still bothers me, and that is beyond aggravating.

Anyway- still working on the Driftwood artwork series. I have three more pieces and the next one will be the large pendulum piece. Now that I have figured out how to make if stable it will work so much better.

 

Don't mind the blinding white skin, even after tanning four times this year I am still pale as...well, a ghost. haha.

I dyed purple streaks in my hair.  I wanted them darker so they would be more distinct, this was a dyed twice job and while the are screaming purple, it just was not what I had in mind. I am going to try again in April.

My fabric!!!

My Awesome Book

 

This is the math book my mom found at the flea market. I bought them for her but they wound up being for me so she bought the radio for me. It is from 1877. It is 130 years old.

I love the tables and converstion charts. Everyday I find something new. And ironically, I absolutely suck at math, but after reviewing the basic section I was able to balance the checkbook today without a calculator. The rules and how the math is explained makes more sense then what I learned in school.

Fabric From Spoonflower

How awesome is this fabric??? It is hands down the perfect curtain for my kitchen.



This would be funny for my bathroom or as a skirt...I think they are called Lola skirts, all flowing and long. I used to call them hippie skirts. Think I will start working on how to sew one this month. I like gardening barefoot and having a long skirt just makes it much better.



This would be fun for Nikki for a dress since she ate her first plate of calamari this weekend!!

++++++++++++++++
So, I took a HUGE leap. I turned in one of my designs, tweaked it and bought a test swatch. If I like it then it will on to the site. I am crossing my fingers.

Two Weeks

In two weeks, give or take a few days, Feb 28th to be exact, will be one year of no smoking.

This has been some of the hardest months since I quit that I have gone thru. Cigarette smoke makes the cravings hit hard, so hard I get sick and start shaking. But I keep walking past where ever the smoke is stemming. Some days I cover my nose and mouth with my hand encased in my jacket sleeve.

I hold my breath.

I keep walking.

I feel like crying.

Finally, I am in my truck.

I turn the radio up as loud as my remaining speakers can handle it. I just sit and close my eyes.

Then I am better. I can concentrate, I can drive, and I can get far away from that damn intoxicating aroma.

It is not so much that I hate smoking or smokers, I feel just the opposite, they have the freedom to make the choice to smoke. I made the choice to quit. Now I am enforcing that choice and testing my will daily. I am not angry with smokers.

I am irritated that on my one year anniversary for my hospital stay, ironically- the pain meds is the reason I was able to quit, I could not feel the withdraws ; at the one year anniversary cigarettes are on my mind almost every single hour.

I cannot/will not smoke again because I cannot just smoke one or two cigarettes a day, I always move up to a full pack a day. I smoked for almost 10 years. I quit the day I found out I was pregnant, made it thru until it was late October of the year Nikki was born. Then postpartum hit, and the roller coaster of anger/sadness behind it. 11 Months for that time. I have to make it the year. If I can make it one year then I can make it 13 months, then 14...

"just keep swimming, just keep swimming....."

One year Ago

One year ago, I felt sick.

One year ago, I weighed 230 plus lbs, size 18(stained).

One year ago, I had stomach pains after eating or picking up anything more than 5 lbs.

One year ago, I was hours from death, my kidneys were shutting down, my liver was shutting down. I acutely wanted to die to escape the pain. My gallbladder had stones and one slipped over to my pancreas to clog a duct. I had acute pancreatitus and gallbladder inflammation. I threw up green ooze, morphine helped for 15 min and I was screaming again. I had one surgery to unclog my pancreas, then another surgery to remove my gallbladder. Which caused my pancreas to flare up again.
I spent 8 days in the hospital, had four docs tell me three different things, and none connected after 3 days that I was going to freak out because my antidepressants wore off. I had an intravenous shot every three hours of Duladin (strong pain killer) for 8 days.


Outcome in a year- I have lost 37 lbs, down to a 12 (I fit into a 10 yesterday!!!!) My cycles are regular for the first time in my life. (TMI!!) I can run/jog for 5 min without throwing up and almost blacking out. It took six months to reconnect my brain on how to cook-- for whatever reason the massive painkillers scrambled up allot of stuff, it took allot of hard work and tears because I kept burning things and forgetting damn near everything.
Unfortunately, not having a gallbladder means I had to adjust my eating habits. The doctors or anyone else in my life forgot to say that any fresh fruit or vegetables will shoot thru you at the speed of light. Caffeine, sugar, salt, dairy, anything with spices had the same effect. During the summer I lost allot of nutrtion and felt very sick again. But I figured out what was wrong and adjusted my eating again and rather pissed off about it.

The art in my head finally found a way out. It filled my house and is currently in suspension due mainly to the fact we have to level the kitchen before I can finish the cabinets and east wall. The plaster cracking is driving me insane.

I am just being lazy on my cabinet in the bathroom.I am mainly stalled on that because I cannot get my copper plate (17 gauge) to make the sink, and I don't want to work on the rest of it until I have my sink.

I have drawn and redrawn lines in the sand with my husband. He used to be the dominate force in the house and the roles have switched. I am resentful that I feel like I am the only adult. But I don't work. It is an annoying contradiction that I think 90% of women would give their left arm to have this situation. It still irritates me.
I have learned that jewelry gets on my nerves because for the amount he spent on the necklace I could have gotten 1.7 carats of London blue saffires and 3 ounces of silver. Just get me the raw materials and I will be a happy, happy girl. For months!! So we have an understanding for Valentines day this year-- he takes me out to dinner this weekend so we don't have to deal with the crowds next weekend. But I get him tools and he gets me the tools for the jewelry/metalworking that I need/desire/ desperately wish to own. And he gives me two IOUs for the rose plants I want to replace the ones my {idiot} dogs destroyed.

In a year we have fought more than in the last 10, we have missed each other more than when I was stuck in MT an extra week due the cat attack in 08. And we are in the same house. We have both changed severely and rapidly and have yet to know if the changes will break us or not. Hopefully not. Even at my angriest I still feel hopeful about the future. Odd, considering I used to be the most pessimistic/ sarcastic person and now a chirpy abit sarcastic/bitchy cheerleader is pushing her way into my psyche.

But yet, I feel that we will be fine. My artwork, while self taught, will continue to improve. My daughter will grow faster than I can keep up. My stepson will demand to be treated like an adult ... until I hand him rent notice. Sorry dude, adults pay bills, you want freedom, I want my cable paid. My husband will be the same, I think surgery will have to be an option. His head aches are coming back rather hard.

Wow, I actually yawned. I think it is time.

oh oh oh oh

AWESOME!!!

I am totally html ignorant and am now figuring out how to add widgets and what not.... *does happy dance*

Truce

It is better. For now.

I am still keeping the house clean but only because they are doing their part. None of the stuff is laying around, no muddy boots, no clothes, all work/school stuff is put up and the dishes are being rinsed off and neatly stacked in the sink.

I feel like I am in the twilight zone. Sadly, now that the house is clean my mind is a little less uncluttered. I am slowly setting a routine for the day. Anyone who knows me, knows i cannot keep a routine to save my life. I cannot even fold my clothes the same way twice.

He is paying closer attention and pulling himself out of his depression. Maybe this crappy horrid weekend is what we needed to snap the relationship back onto track and out of the mire it was in. Or maybe it is a stalemate.Maybe this is just relationship normalacy.
He took me driftwood hunting twice, and found some awesome pieces that were part of an anthill-- the ants actually destroyed the tree from the inside out. The bark was intact but the inside was nothing but tunnels.

******************
I am still angry deep down, he says he doesn't mean what he said but that does not stop the high irritation, hurt and anger. It just cycles round. Most days I ignore it. Is that repressing it or is that delusional emotional therapy? He prolly feels the same.
Enough. My daughter is more important than either of us, she needs me home so she is not stuck in an overpriced, MRSA filled daycare. I have decided that I am going to keep it clean for her and I.

******************

My comp was frying slowly and surely down the drain. It took 15 min to start up and 10 min to shut down. I did not have the time to try and uninstall my OS and reinstall. Mainly because I have no clue as to what I would be doing and i have way to much other stuff to go on during the day/night to try it. My mom took it over and I asked her to keep it another day or two while the weather sucked arse.
When I went out there today she showed me what she had done. Not only wiped it clean but bought windows 7 for me and had it up and installed. I was just shocked and out of my skin happy.
I am using FireFox instead of IE8. It is less cluttered. Windows 7 is much simpler and has allot less crap programs so it can give me room to buy the art programs I want instead of having to use the freeware. Art Rage is awesome. I tried the demo and just love the hell out of it. For my birthday I am going to get a Bamboo to use for painting and sketching.(hopefully)

Thanks you for your comments on my last post. For the Hugs and the DUH reality check.

Meltdown

This is a vent, pure and simple. I am not sure who I am more disappointed and mad at- myself or my husband. This is something I have to work out on my own. Hopefully it can be repaired but i have serious doubts.

We had a bad day on Saturday. Slowly thru the years I have accepted that he does not want to do anything I wanted to do- going to dinner, movies, shopping, walking in the woods, watching the same show on tv-- the list goes on. He wants me to go everywhere with him. And if we do go to the woods it is so he can hunt/fish or scout for hunting/ fishing

(I have faults-- I am neurotic, indecisive, randomly yell about things, and have ADD, among a long freaking list.)

So I was venting to Jenn in my room with Nikki's movie playing insanely loud.
1.I told him Nikki needed to pee, he ignored me and drove past two places for her to use the bathroom.
When I get annoyed with him about it he looks at me and said- "we are about five min from the island, she can go then." Something popped in my head. " She is two, if she has to pee then she has to pee now"
-"Oh. Well the store is about five min behind us."
"Just go to the island."
When he does get to the island he finds a store and parks as far as he can from the door. And just sits there. SO I have to get her out, get to the store, find the bathroom, and get back out to the truck weaving in and out of traffic.
Something else popped in my head.

2. He would not stop to let me take any photos of birds or anything. He kept telling me "at the next stop or when we drive back by"
He never stopped. Then after a mile past the birds he would remember and ask if I wanted him to turn around.
This is my thing-- if you don't remember the first time then I am not going to beg you to do something I want/need done. So of course I am going to say no.

3. When he did remember to stop, he bitched at me for getting out because Nikki fussed. I ignored him and commented that I needed a tripod. He kept griping about me getting out.

4. The Tripod Argument-- apparently all I need is a stick to shove up my camera.

I stopped speaking after that. On the way home, an hour later, Nikki kept saying she was hungry. He drove past everything and ignored us, she finally fell asleep. I know something blew out the side of my head. I kept quiet. I really struggle not to say evil, horrible things when I pissed so I get quiet.

I felt better after venting, Jenn was coming over. When she shows up he bolts to the bedroom and won't speak to anyone.
Jenn and I go to dinner with Nikki and I ask Donald if he wants anything, he will not look at me and tells me that is up to me.
Little bells go off in my head. He refuses to tell what was wrong, and then tells me that he prefers I go to dinner when I offered not to go. I pressed about what was wrong with him and he said "I don't air my dirty laundry in public"

So we came back and I made a grocery list (it's 7pm) and asked him if he needed anything in particular from the store. He got real irate that I was going to the store so late. (It's 7PM, seven!! Come On. Now I am going just to piss you off.)
So I asked if he was going to tell WTF his problem was-
"I heard what you said to Jenn."
"When? I said allot of crap to Jenn today"
"On the phone. I heard everything. Why were you being a bitch today?"

If you heard everything then you would know why I was being a bitch.
So I outlined everything for him. I told him I felt like an afterthought in this relationship, because he never does anything with me unless it has a motive for him. We don't go for boat rides just to spend time together, he offers a boat ride because the boat needs to be run. You will not date me, you tell me to go do all this stuff with my friends and then get jealous when I spend to much time with them. If I ask for help around the house you tell me flat out 'No, I am not doing that.'

This is his remark that caused my meltdown.
"You have all day to clean the house, I work all day and I am not doing any housework when I come home."--him
"even if I ask you for help?"--me
"Right. I don't feel like I have to help you with anything."--him
"So... I am your maid. And I don't the right to ask you for help with anything around the house"--me

He paused for a min and then said " yeah, that's right and you have no right telling people what goes on in the house"

Ha. i will vent to my blog, you just thought Jenn was public.

************************************************************************************

I just froze inside, I have yet to thaw.
I feel that taking care of an ACTIVE, busy busy two year old, a busy 17 year old, all their medical paperwork, budgeting, bills, all donald's medical paperwork, divorce crap, cooking, cleaning, clothes, and grocery/ household shopping is just as hard as his job.
I am an accountant, chef, maid, launderer, taxi, lawyer etc.... but because he "works" for 8 hours 5 days a week he gets the right to watch tv all night and not lift a finger. Ever?

I hated myself then. That I could be with someone so self centered just made me sick. I love housework when I have someone I care for to help me clean. I have made every excuse in the book and then some as to why he will not help me.-but it boils down to this-- He wants me to stay home. I want to work. He refuses to "babysit" his daughter and when he does "babysit" her, my life becomes more annoying. Because I am at home I have to clean up after everybody. And take care of everything.
I despise cleaning by myself. Hate it. And I will not beg someone to keep me company. It is a pride thing.

Leaving is an expensive option that is not actually an option at this moment. But making sure the house is spotless is. And here is how I am making his life absolutely miserable.

The house is spotless. I vacuum, seep and mop everyday. All the clothes are put up. All the dishes are done. Dinner is cooked.
I am not speaking to him. I do not look at him. He is not allowed to touch me, kiss me, and absolutely no sex whatsoever.

That should just kill him. I have never withheld sex out of spite. Now I just feel disgusted, borderlines on hate. I wish to skip this step in grieving and just go to apathy.

We did go on a boat ride sunday, his way of trying to make up. I went on the ride, enjoyed it. And thanked him politely for the boat trip.
To little waaaaaaaay to freaking late.

Gator

This is Gator. He is Rhodesian Ridgeback / tenasee curr hound according to his paperwork from the Humane Socity.
When I walked in there the lady asked me what I was looking for and I told her a large dog. She said "oh thank god. Everyone wants a little dog and our big dogs get looked over"
We (my stepson came with) looked at all the dogs and Gator just struck my heart. We brought Sirus (our red doberman) to see if they would get along. They did and we signed the paperwork and tried to bring him home. He had never ridden in truck cab before and I had to wrestle an 75lb dog inside a truck.

The lady told me his story. Gator had been dumped behind a vets office, beaten so badly he could not move on his own. He spent a month at the vets office before he was well enough to be taken to the human socity. He had three days left before he would be put to sleep. He was cris crossed with scars and on his back left leg was a clear scar of a ] , it was from a 2x4 that he had been beaten. And his cellmate attacked him and his neck was cut open.

When he came home in 2005 he stayed in my bedroom for a week. Then he lurked in my hallway for two weeks. Everytime i looked over he was just staring with those eyes that had the wairness. We could not get him to come near us while in the house. And if he was sleeping on the floor and you stepped over him he would freak out, growling and trying to plaster himself into a corner. He would not eat if you were watching. It took weeks of intensive just sitting near him and talking to him. And I hand to use my hand with wide gestures so he would get used to us being loud.
The first time we took him to the creek where we go swimming during the summer, he refused to get out of the truck. He was shaking and I had to use all my strength to pull him out. He kept trying to run back to the truck. He thought we were dumping him.
Then we got to the water and he bacame his namesake. He swam and swam and swam, they he found that he could dig in the sand and roll around and noone yelled at him for it. We took him everyday that summer.

Now, four years later, he will sleep in the bed- hogging a pillow, because he has to sleep with a pillow when he is inside. I have tripped on him when he is laying down and he will not budge. He just cracks an eye open and looks at me like "duh". He dances during dinner. Nikki would sit on his neck and clunk his head with her toys and he did not care. She brings her tea sets over him and dresses him on necklaces and clothes. He takes it all in stride. And now I hook up a harness to have him pull her wagon during walks. It helps with his mobility to get fluid moving to his joints.
At a minimum he weighs 80-90 lbs, it is like having a person in bed, and he does not move when you try to roll over. His arthritis is very bad during the cold, and he has tumors all over as a direct result from the abuse he recived. He smells horrible, even after two or three baths. He does not listen, and can flatten a 20$ decrative plant in no time. I still connot get him to sit.
But he is a scary dog when people come over and it is just me an Nikki. I have to walk ppl in and out of the yard so he leaves them alone. But when he is out and about he has good behavior. Considering the gang tagging is getting closer to the house every year I am grateful to my nuerotic rescue dogs. They love us to death for giving them a chance and I love them for keeping people nervous and keeping me company during the day.

Driftwood art

I was taking pics of the artpiece below and found that I could capture part of my reflection without the flash and it looked fairly neat.


This is the first piece of a new series of my driftwood art with steampunk flair. I really like this piece and will probably steal it back from my mom. She thinks it is good enough to have a show at the Museum of southeast texas. I need to finish at least five or six more pieces which means I need to find older wind up clocks to destroy.


Yes this is my photo, wanna take a guess where I was on saturday?? We crossed the bridge to go "bait catching" (it was a wash BTW) and we noticed the barges being pushed out of the shipping canal that were not in the cluster of ships.
Oh holy crap. One ship hit the pier then hit the barge that was docked, and then for whatever reason ANOTHER ship hit the first two.
So oil was spilled. the national news says 450,000 but our local says 40,000. But they will not report what the barge was carrying. And they had to evac Pt. Arthur for a day.
I have been checking to see if any wildlife has been affected so I can go help if they need volenteers.

Judd

This is Judd. He is a Redbone Coonhound. We think he is fullblooded. A friend of ours brought him to us after he rescued him from his cousin. Judd was in a 6x6 pen with no shelter, no food, no water. He was in inches of mud and poo. Our friend had Judd for about a month before he came to live with us.
We had him inside for about 5 min to see if he was ok with Nikki (he was 7 months old and she was 18 months old) and he guarded her from the cat and our other dogs. So we kept him since Gator is getting older he is not as fast guarding the yard.
Because of the filth that Judd was in he was in poor poor shape. We could see all his ribs and spine. He had the wariness that severly abused dogs get after too long. He had a hard time bonding with any of us. We still have issues we are working on.

Now a year later he is a little more filled out, his metabolism is incredibly fast. Which is what saved him last week.
Ivamec is the pestiside that is used to heartguard, ivomec, ivamectrim etc. Same ingredent, different name. I have never had any problems giving my dogs Ivamec, because they are large dogs, it would cost 60$ a month just for heartguard. Judd has never had it but is heartworm free (somehow) and I was able to get the meds to give it to the dogs. I gave each one a third of the dose.
Ranger and Gator who both have heartworms were fine. Judd had a reaction which is the first time I have had a dog have a bad reaction. Everything hinged on his metabolism, if he could get it out of his system fast enough then he would survive.

Ivamec attacks the neurologic of worms and other pests in the animals body. It does not kill the adult heartworms, it only kills the juvenile heart worms and all the rest of the round, long, whip worms. The adults die of old age eventually and hopefully decompose etc.

Now if your dog is the 1 in 1000( or collies) who is missing a certain gene that protects the brain from crap that is in the blood then that dog with have an almost fatal reaction to the pesticide.(sometimes it is fatal)

The blood brain barrier failed and the ivamec affected his brain/respitory. He could not eat or drink. He gasped for air. His eyes were dialted black and if he stood his legs were splayed out for balance. On the third day I pried his jaws open and spooned water into him. I got about a cup and half in him. It was enough to help him a little bit. I fed him macaroni on the fourth day and spooned more water in him. After that he seemed to get better.
This was all 10 days ago, he is almost back to normal. He is running around, and tried to climb the fence to get the meter man. He eats every night and got a bath today.

Kitty

One of my Sunday projects was to clean off my kitchen table so I can start back with my art projects again.

My cat, Kitty , helped me by supervising. She is named Kitty because she does not respond to anything else. We named her about 10 different names, nothing would get her attention. She is five. A friend of mine found the litter under her house after the mom was hit and killed on the road. The kittens were about 4 days old and she bottle fed all of them. I originally went to get the black kitten but she chirped at me when I spoke so she came home.

Potty Trained

Potty Trained!!!!

It took three days to get our communication flowing correctly, so I understood what she was telling me and BAM! we are away from diapers.

Now for my revenge upon my husband, who stupidly told me since the day she was born that after she is potty trained he will be more involved with her. So I have 2 1/2 years of "Go ask your mama" when nikki needed anything saved up and ready to use.

So for the past 4 days I have been more myself, which means I am being...annoying... to live with because he has to help me cook and take care of Nikki and actually pay attention when I speak even if that includes me unplugging the TV.
Also I spent all of Saturday on a mental Internet vacation. I wasn't rude, I just was not in the same room as him and anyone else in the house. Nikki watched movies next to me and before I knew it I hadn't spoken to him since that morning and it was 8 at night.

Then Sunday came along and I had some little projects I needed to get done around the house so he had to watch her, if she came up to me asking for anything, I got it for her then barked at him to pay attention. His excuse was that she doesn't ask him for anything. I shot that down because he has not spent any effort in actually taking care of her aside from financally. He got pissed but it is the truth.

What I am actually doing is untraining him from the TV watching rut he is in. He has the old fashioned opinion that since he makes the money then he has the right to relax and watch TV all night. I explained(yelled) that I am not a whore, you cannot pay the bills and buy my stuff and expect me to just be "happy". I need a mental interaction with the person that is married to me. If he cannot supply that then we need to call it quits and I will have the custody papers in hand before we leave the house.
He suddenly understood that my friends are not "influencing" me to be angry with him, that is all on my own.

Funny

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Happy New Year/Camping trip

First and foremost Happy New Year to all. For most if not all this last year was hard. I am hoping that this year will be better. If not dramatically then in little things. It is the little things that make people break down.

On to a brighter note, I was talked in to a camping trip to the lake for a few days. Normally I am the one harping to go camping but since Nikki came along I would not go camping just for the fact that the nearest phone is 25 miles down unlighted, pot holed filled National Forest Roads. And that is not a town. It is a station that doesn't sell gas. No, our cell phones don't work there.

The dog, Ranger, used to get car sick when he was a puppy. After two hours riding in the backseat on top of out pillows and blankets he yaked. I heard Nikki shriek and reached back there to comfort her and encountered warm slime. Nikki was up against the window and side of her car seat, trying desperately to undo her harness. I got her calmed down, and the car seat cleaned up, and two pillows and two blankets.
Out of our three dogs he was the best choice, Judd is too aggressive with strangers and Gator doesn't listen, for anything.

I got Donald a HUGE new tent. It sleeps 7 with storage space, 9 feet by 13 feet. So if is raining nonstop my toddler has room to be herself with her stuff and my stuff, which it was raining and the temp was dropping. So we got everything unpacked and out new tent set up and ready to go.

DJ insisted on bringing his tent and setting it up for himself and Ranger. He is seventeen so I can understand not wanting to sleep in the same tent as your parents and little sister. He is allot more polite about it then I would have been when I was seventeen. Because of the rain and some depression under his tent the water soaked his blankets, pillows, and sleeping bag.

Nikki talked to me in the dark for an hour and a half. Just when I thought she was asleep and I would doze off......MAMA! And she would start talking and telling me stories in her way ( allot of hand gestures and sounds) for another 20 min or so. It was really cute and sweet.

It was 29 degrees in the morning. I went thru allot of wood for the fire. I was burn happy. We went for walks up and down the trails. DJ showed me a hickory tree that took two people to wrap their arms around. Nikki learned to be a bear by going up to small trees and pushing against them like bears do. We went down to the lake to throw rocks and find snail shells.

Hunting was a bust because crews were out there looking for oil. They were drilling and setting off dynamite to get seismic readings. The deer were only nocturnal.
We caught four catfish.

I saw the moon rise over the lake, huge and red each night. The moon was so bright after the first rainy night it was like having a street light over the tent. I woke up early each morning and would have the moon to my back illuminating the woods and watch over the lake and see the sun rise. It was picture perfect. It was calming and inspiring.

Speaking of...where are the photos you ask. My camera died the second photo I took. I wanted to die. I was so looking forward to taking pictures. Of everything.

We watched Bald Eagles play over the trees and water and call out to each other. Nikki chased grasshoppers in the grass. Played with water bugs and yelled at owls at night.

We had no electronic anything. Everything was by firelight and Coleman stove/heater. I wanted to collect twigs and make birdhouses and live there forever.

If it was not for my husband I would prefer to live life without a TV. I got dirty looks for that statement. I would miss my Internet but I could live happily without it. Sorry Internet, I am not as obsessed as I thought. *grins*

Here is a link to where we were---

http://www.toledo-bend.com/national-forest/index.asp?request=ragtown

It is quiet and cheap and has showers and toilets. The trails are clean and the wildlife is there, the armadillo wandering thru camp is testimony to that, DJ hard to get up and shoo it away. We even had little light green birds EVERYWHERE. They looked like the wind blew the rest of the leaves out of the trees. Until some blew into the camp and the leaves had eyes. They ate every single bug they found and then some. It was totally awesome.